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Don’tTellMeI’llChangeMyMind

NoraRoseMcMahon
NoraRoseMcMahon University of Illinois at Champaign Urbana Vice President
7d Champaign, IL, United States Story
Don’t Tell Me I’ll Change My Mind

If I had a dollar for every person who told me I’d change my mind when I tell them I don’t want children, I’d be rich. I want to talk about why this bothers me.

Actually, bothers is an understatement. It offends me. When people say I’ll change my mind, this is what I hear:

“I know you better than you know you.”

“All women are supposed to have kids. You don’t know what you want yet.”

“You’re wrong.”

The funny thing is, no one tells me I’ll change my mind about wanting to be a lawyer. Or about wanting to get a cat. Or about wanting to move to the East Coast. Everyone is fine with my life choices, unless they include my wish to not procreate. Why should I be less of a woman because I don’t want babies? Why do people assume it’s a phase with me not wanting children, but not when it comes to my future career or where I want to live?

I’ve never wanted kids, even when I was young. I’m not maternal. To be frank, children just aren’t my cup of tea. I never babysat, because it sounded awful to me. I’ll smile at your baby pictures, but don’t expect me to want to hang out with you and your kid. I know it’s harsh, but it’s just how I’m wired. I want to dedicate my life to a high stress job. I want to travel without having to lug kids around. And even if I didn’t, I don’t need an excuse. Not every woman has to want kids.

I respect the woman who do have kids, as long as they respect me for not wanting them. Recently, I’ve been researching sterilization and other long term birth control options, in the hopes to get one in a few years. I know it might make it harder for me to find a spouse one day, as most people want kids, but that’s okay.

Unfortunately, a lot of people can't respect my choice.

"You don't know true love until you have a baby!"

Uhhh.... So you don't love your family? Or your spouse?

"You're selfish! We're made to have kids!"

So people who can't have kids are selfish? Gay couples are selfish? People too old for kids are selfish?

"But who will take care of you when you're old?"

Bish, I'll take care of myself with all the money I saved not having kids.

"But your parents won't get grandkids!"

I didn't realize it was my job to give them kids? 

"You won't find a husband!"

Because 100% of men want kids. Right. 

"If no one had kids, there'd be no humans!"

Well, good thing I'm not everyone! 

I used to feel like something was wrong with me. Why don’t I want kids? Why am I so weird? Why don’t I want to be a mother and take care of something? I found a community of people like me on reddit though, at /r/childfree. There, I found other men and women who lived happy lives without children, and I realized I wasn’t so alone. I’m in control of my life and my future, no one else is. I’m happy with animals, apartments, travel, and work. Keep the diapers away from me, please.

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5 comments

  • Deimante Sefleryte 16

    I feel you on this. Since I can't have children and i am fine with it, I literally had to explain my own mom that I don't want IVF. She was already talking about helping me to get pregnant. And she was surprised I don't want to spend a huge amount on getting pregnant, but then she accepted it very quickly. It's completely okay :)

    I feel you on this. Since I can't have children and i am fine with it, I literally had to explain my own mom that I don't want IVF. She was already talking about helping me to get pregnant. And she was surprised I don't want to spend a huge amount on getting pregnant, but then she accepted it very quickly. It's completely okay :)

  • Ameris Jimenez
    Ameris Jimenez Mogul President at The University of Illinois
    7d ago

    As someone who wants children, I am completely supportive of your decision. Everything you said is true. Children are costly and can be a huge hassle. I hope you get to live your life the way you want but you'll still be Auntie Nora to my future children whether you like it or not <3 

    As someone who wants children, I am completely supportive of your decision. Everything you said is true. Children are costly and can be a huge hassle. I hope you get to live your life the way you want but you'll still be Auntie Nora to my future children whether you like it or not <3 

    • NoraRoseMcMahon
      NoraRoseMcMahon University of Illinois at Champaign Urbana Vice President
      7d ago

      Thanks b! Your kids can play with my cats.

      Thanks b! Your kids can play with my cats.

  • Bethany Heinrich
    Bethany Heinrich Mogul Influencer
    7d ago

    I'm surprised people say that today especially in 2018. I would think people would be more understanding. I'm sorry to hear that and definitely respect the decision you make! It's a personal choice

    I'm surprised people say that today especially in 2018. I would think people would be more understanding. I'm sorry to hear that and definitely respect the decision you make! It's a personal choice


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NoraRoseMcMahon
University of Illinois at Champaign Urbana Vice President

Vice President of University of Illinois at Urbana Champaign Mogul hub. I'm a senior at the University of Illinois at Champaign Urbana. I'm getting a double major in Political Science and Psychology, and my career goal is to become a corporate lawyer.

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