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Whyyourexcan’tbejustyourfriend

Why your ex can’t be just your friend

Your ex can be your friend; the one you can always count on, who will help you with anything if you ask them. Unless your relationship’s building stone was friendship in the first place, they can never be just your friend because they used to be your lover – the one who knows you intimately. Who hurt you and you forgave them. Whom you hurt and you can’t forgive yourself. The one you had your second and third chance with. The one who loved you in the most beautiful ways, but also hated you when they didn’t know if they were in love with you.

You had your chance

You may have even tried to fix things and followed all the steps to get them back, but failed. Surely, you two have been through fire and water together and failed, but it would be nice to hold on to it a little bit longer, at least as friends, if nothing more.

Your ex was all that, your stepping stone, quagmire you sank into, oasis you felt safe in, glowing charcoal you walked on, they were the cloud that carried you safely in the heaven until you fell off it and landed badly hurt. However, you can forget all that if you put aside your ego and be adult about it, but how many of us can do that after a breakup?

Intimacy never dies

On the other hand, when you severed the bond between you two, a scar was left and it hurts and reacts to smells, sounds, and colors. If you stay friends, there will always be that familiarity and intimacy between you; awkward and uncomfortable. Maybe you two will be able to overcome it with time, but you’ll probably give up sooner because it’s too hard.

Your love life can suffer

If you have new sweethearts, all four of you will never be able to meet for coffee. Why would you do that? You don’t need to socialize with their new love, neither do they with yours. It can never be natural between your new and your ex-lover.

Your friendly relationship is something that concerns only the two of you when you are alone. And it can only stop you from forming another loving relationship and living your life to the fullest.

You’ll be stuck in the past

The affection you felt for them never really dies. It simply takes a new form. You keep loving the old them, maybe even idealizing and forgetting everything bad that happened.

If you stay friends, you may even try to wake the old feelings up, but realize that those aren’t burning with the same strength and leave you again. What good would that do to you? You would be stuck between your new and your old life, loveless in both directions.

You can make it work

Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean you can’t be friends; it would just be different from a friendship you have with someone you were never in love with. It’ll take some more effort, but by all means, go for it if it’s worth it.

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6 comments

  • Rachel Borowicz
    Rachel Borowicz Software Engineer & Arts Philanthropist
    6mo ago

    Excellent post. This meant a lot to me, given I'm still friends with my ex and it has been challenging.

    Excellent post. This meant a lot to me, given I'm still friends with my ex and it has been challenging.

  • Nelly Daisy 31
    6mo ago

    God bless Dr.Osauyi for his marvelous work in my life, I was separate with my husband for the pass 3 year now and I wasn't satisfied i needed to get my husband back because the life of loneliness was so terrible for me and my 2 kids I searched about some possible spell caster that can bring back lover and i then come across Dr Osauyi i saw a comment about Dr.Osauyi,how he bring lovers together with his spell caster I contacted him and he guided me. I asked for solutions, he started the remedy for my spell he ask for some information which i sent to him and also told me that we need to buy some items for the spell to work for me for good and which i sensed the money to him after 48 hours my husband call me and start bagging me for forgiveness for all that happens i am so happy right now that we back again as one family for any one that may need the help of the great spell caster you can contact Osauyilovespellhelp@gmail.com or call +2347064294395

    God bless Dr.Osauyi for his marvelous work in my life, I was separate with my husband for the pass 3 year now and I wasn't satisfied i needed to get my husband back because the life of loneliness was so terrible for me and my 2 kids I searched about some possible spell caster that can bring back lover and i then come across Dr Osauyi i saw a comment about Dr.Osauyi,how he bring lovers together with his spell caster I contacted him and he guided me. I asked for solutions, he started the remedy for my spell he ask for some information which i sent to him and also told me that we need to buy some items for the spell to work for me for good and which i sensed the money to him after 48 hours my husband call me and start bagging me for forgiveness for all that happens i am so happy right now that we back again as one family for any one that may need the help of the great spell caster you can contact Osauyilovespellhelp@gmail.com or call +2347064294395

  • Michelle Daines 5

    I'll be friends with him when he gives me back all the money he stole from me. Great article


    I'll be friends with him when he gives me back all the money he stole from me. Great article


  • Rmochi
    6mo ago

    I could never be with someone who was friendly with an ex. 

    Yes, I REALLY want your past sexual partner(s) to be hovering around reminding me that they know what your peni feels like.... *sarcasm*

    I could never be with someone who was friendly with an ex. 

    Yes, I REALLY want your past sexual partner(s) to be hovering around reminding me that they know what your peni feels like.... *sarcasm*

    • Doe
      Doe
      6mo ago

      I'm friends with 80 % of my exes,the 20%I'm not really pulled a number on me and never  showed any remorse or apologized,hence no possibility of friendship.

      I'm friends with 80 % of my exes,the 20%I'm not really pulled a number on me and never  showed any remorse or apologized,hence no possibility of friendship.

  • Meagan Paullin 47

    I've been friends with several exs. Absolutely, completely, just friends. The feelings were over for me, we ran with the same circle of people, worked at the same place, etc - I let go of the old, had a friendly relationship, done. So, it's quite possible. ONLY if you both actually are over your feelings and there's not one partner secretly hanging on. And you can't just be besties still - but a simple, casual friendliness isn't that difficult. 


    And, it's a whole different ballgame when you have children. My daughters dad broke my heart as hard as it's possible to break someone. We didn't speak much for awhile. But - the things that caused problems aren't relevant anymore. I don't care who he's talking to, or what he might be doing that I don't know about, because it's not my business to care now. He can live as free and frisky as he pleases :) He is a wonderful father, and a very fair coparent, so that allows me to be friends. We have a pretty important friend in common, our kiddo. So, old hurts get moved past, as we raise a daughter without animosity. This is a most important reason why someone SHOULD ALWAYS be friends with an ex, if possible. 

    Clearly I know some exs, of both sexes, are unhealthy and unsafe to be around. But just because someone was a crappy partner doesn't make them a crappy parent. And you're not showing them grace or forgiveness because they deserve it, but because your kid deserves to not feel put in the middle. 

    So, no kids, no strings, hate them and move on, or be friends if there's no feelings - it's very possible. And, just do what you want in general, lol. Life is weird, live is weirder, and feelings are super freaking weird. Do what makes you feel right. ❤

    I've been friends with several exs. Absolutely, completely, just friends. The feelings were over for me, we ran with the same circle of people, worked at the same place, etc - I let go of the old, had a friendly relationship, done. So, it's quite possible. ONLY if you both actually are over your feelings and there's not one partner secretly hanging on. And you can't just be besties still - but a simple, casual friendliness isn't that difficult. 


    And, it's a whole different ballgame when you have children. My daughters dad broke my heart as hard as it's possible to break someone. We didn't speak much for awhile. But - the things that caused problems aren't relevant anymore. I don't care who he's talking to, or what he might be doing that I don't know about, because it's not my business to care now. He can live as free and frisky as he pleases :) He is a wonderful father, and a very fair coparent, so that allows me to be friends. We have a pretty important friend in common, our kiddo. So, old hurts get moved past, as we raise a daughter without animosity. This is a most important reason why someone SHOULD ALWAYS be friends with an ex, if possible. 

    Clearly I know some exs, of both sexes, are unhealthy and unsafe to be around. But just because someone was a crappy partner doesn't make them a crappy parent. And you're not showing them grace or forgiveness because they deserve it, but because your kid deserves to not feel put in the middle. 

    So, no kids, no strings, hate them and move on, or be friends if there's no feelings - it's very possible. And, just do what you want in general, lol. Life is weird, live is weirder, and feelings are super freaking weird. Do what makes you feel right. ❤


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