Suicide. Even the word is frightening. Suicide; the act of taking one’s life voluntarily. It’s hard to imagine, right? The idea that life could become so seemingly unbearable that you someone would literally want to end it all. Hard to imagine, yet all too real. People take their lives every single day. People often call suicide one word: selfish. While it is hard to imagine why someone would CHOOSE to leave; it’s never about the people that are left behind. You see; when someone is at that point; it’s simply about ending the pain. That’s it. It’s not about “ending your life”; “dying”; “leaving loved ones behind”; “not caring or loving the people that are there for you”; no. It’s simply an antagonizing pain that lasts every single moment of your existence and you simply want a break. You just want to breathe easily; even if just for a moment. In that one split second when the decision is made; you feel lighter. You feel happier. It’s about to end. It’s about to stop hurting. Unfortunately, that one fleeting moment of clarity and happiness is followed by the last decision of the person’s life.
So, how do I know anything about this topic? Well, my friends, unfortunately; it’s a topic I know all too well. My mom committed suicide when I was 7; I was in the next room. Suicide has always been a topic of conversation in my life ever since. Moreover; I have had those moments of desperation where I too was on the edge of wanting to end my own life. Thankfully, I’m still here and intend to help others through my mother’s and my own pain. Unless you’ve lost someone very close to you; especially your mom to suicide; it’s understandably hard to relate. Not that it’s something I want to relate to anyone on as it means another tragedy has struck, but unfortunately; it has happened. A close friend of mine is going through this unimaginable pain currently. Although I lost my mom to suicide at 7 years old and this friend is an adult woman; the pain is still the same. No matter what happened or didn’t happen during our mom’s lives on earth; it’s still unimaginable to lose your mom at any age. Daughters especially need their mothers. Although we can’t fathom the pain they must have been feeling to leave their daughters behind; we must forgive them and continue to move forward without their physical beings.
If you are reading this as someone who has lost someone to suicide and you can’t wrap your mind around it; know that it wasn’t about you. It never is. If you’re reading this is as someone who is contemplating suicide; I beg you to hold on; even if for one more day. Then keep holding on each and every day. As someone who has been there myself; I can tell you that life is full of ebbs and flows and if I had succeeded in ending my life; I would be missing out on so much greatness and I know you would too.
Thank you for sharing in this very vulnerable topic with me. I hope you know you're not alone.
Love and Light, Tianna Leigh
I love connecting on a deeper level and having authentic conversation makes me light up. I envision a big future in contribution to others through writing my memoir and Tianna Leigh blog, speaking and by sharing my inspirational quotes. I look forward to inspiring the world one step a time...