What do you think of me, when you think of me? Do you even think of me?
Under the Highway: chapter: 00
She had no idea what had happened that day? What went wrong? What mistake did she make again? What stupid question did she ask? What did impossible stuff she ask for? She could not recall anything that she did not do well. She had planned the party well, had bought her first gift for him and had kept it a surprise. She did all this by herself. The first time such a big thing in the last three years.
She was dead for a long time with grief that it was too late to remember and collect all the broken pieces of that day. And today it’s been 48 days since he left and never showed up again, no phone calls, no texts and no emails. Today she was sitting in front of her computer thinking of him, she felt an urge to find out something, something she didn’t even notice in these last days of his absence but she wanted to find it out now, she wanted to know, ‘What does he think about her now, if he does?’
She started the conversation with herself, so ya she asked, “What does he think about me now if he does? But he left why does he think about me? Of course, he does, we were friends for seven years. But wait what if he does not? How is that possible? How can someone do that? Can he do that? Can he forget me in no time? But that’s the point he left because he wants to forget everything about me and in that case why would he think of me?”
Her heart sank, the face became pale, a tear rolled down and she said, “hmmm, well if that’s what makes him happy, I am okay with it. But it’s not fair God should not have made me this way, an over emotional who get attached to people like a hopeless addict, naïve who trust people for every word they say, childish who is scared of hurting people by saying no, careless who never ever thinks of her own self. He should not have given me a heart this delicate and weak, mind this deep and sensitive and a never-ending smile. He should have made me a good person and a really good one.”
Now she was crying and talking but still thinking of him when suddenly she realized that he has left and already has a different life but nothing has changed with her, she still feels, thinks and wishes the same for him as always. She has the same love, care, respect and trust in him. She waits for him like she always used to, she texts him like she always used to, his thought still makes her feel alive and happy like always and she always finds him around like he is never gone. And why is it like this for her, by now she was feeling heavier, hard to breathe and confused. She had no idea what was happening and what should be done about it. Is there something she can do because she knew that she can’t do what he did, she can’t go back in time and fix everything, and she can’t predict the future. Then what can she do,” gosh nothing” she screamed. I can’t do anything, I can’t consider someone dead just like that, I can’t leave someone in the middle of nowhere; I can’t run away from my responsibility towards someone, I can’t make myself happy when someone is suffering, I can’t do anything, I can’t UNLOVE him, I just can't.