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7mo Philippines Story
This Is What You Deserve

often we say "I love you" with one eye opened and teeth touching

we say "i love you" like it is just brushing off of our face

we say it with clenched fists and broken hearts, noses and lives

we say it with a twisted mind and a soul that is too tired to ever live by. we say it with hands that are too small for something we could have and too big for something that we couldn't.

we say it abruptly, spontaneously and often we say it with minds hovering around the idea that this, this love we claim to have will end every drop of misery in our lives.

but darling, this is not the kind of love you are supposed to have.

a friend once told me that loving comes from within as how the sun slowly engulfs the darkness, eating away every bit of that pitch black it had harbored inside; only realizing at the end of the day that it had not really touched it, a mere brush, a peck on the cheek

that it will come back again by six in the evening

it will come back

it comes back


sometimes with scattered showers

and it will drench your feet and drown you

until you gasp for air, trying to breathe



you did try and

that's when you thought of his smile that you love more than the cherry topped chocolate cupcake made by your mom everytime you turn a year old, that's when you value him more than the poster of Winona Ryder with one hand on her hips and the other pointed at you as if she's telling you that darling this this is how you define beauty, that's when you thought that your playlist had turned into this set of songs trapped inside your crooked heart due to continuous rambling writhing and


you fall


like how leaves do before November

kisses our earthly ground


this, this is not the kind of love youre supposed to have

you deserve the kind of love

you give and more than that

you deserve the love that surpasses

and transcends everything,

you deserve a deep, immense and immeasurable kind of love

you deserve a love that's not too much or too little, just enough so you could

sleep on it at nights you thought darkness could eat you

darling you deserve the kind of love that would let you dream

peacefully under your sheets

you deserve love more than that "love" you think you deserve

because you are



truer than true




creation of God

you deseve a love more than words could describe

i know you do

so go and stay alive beautiful,

keep marching

keep running

keep breathing.

Not one boy,

Not one mistake,

No rules

could hold you back.

You deserve more.

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