If you’re looking for Rapunzel-like hair inspo, you’ve come to the wrong place. But, there’s a slight possibility you and I feel the same about this elusive thing called “perfect hair.” Maybe, like me, in the process of deepening your Internet search post-breakup, you’ve probably entered: “Should I get bangs or not?” “Should I dye my hair blue?” “What are the best haircuts for spring 2018?” “Will a shag make me look cool enough to join an alternative rock band?”
This isn’t one of those articles that’s going to tell you to thoroughly think through all your past transgressions and question if now is the right time to put your delicate, impressionable hair through those same mistakes. I’m not going to tell you to create a pro and con list strictly about Carey Mulligan’s pixie. (Girl can do no wrong, but still). I’m not going to preach about rescheduling your chop for after your period, because you’ll be “less emotional and prone to rash decisions.”
If you want sane advice, search elsewhere. Or, if you dare, continue reading.
Why? Because I broke up with my boyfriend of a year-and-a-half recently, and wanted bangs on and off for a fairly decent amount of time. I’m a Gemini so “fairly decent amount of time” really means like for barely five minutes and then pretended my mind was made up. But, I didn’t really think through how much workbangs would be, so I got said bangs, and now I don’t want said bangs – at all.
Don’t get me wrong, I have a killer hair stylist who thoroughly walked me through why these bangs were a good idea and would already go with my look. So, he is not at fault here. The bangs are. They’re simply here, stuck to my forehead, invading the personal space of my innocent eyes like unwelcome eyeball curtains… every morning when I wake up – a constant reminder of my poor life decision.
Or was it a poor life decision?
Because, you know what? I feel better, for the first time in a while. I’m constantly laughing hysterically with my sister, friends, and anyone who will listen to my ridiculous breakup chop story. Honestly, I feel less sad, each and every day. And, it’s not just because I’ve gradually accepted that my ex and I weren’t meant to be together. It’s not because I spend as much time at yoga as I do ferociously studying the empowering, inspirational quotes that inundate my Instagram feed every day. It’s probably the fact that I have a rat’s nest growing out of the front of my head to distract me from the heartbreak and the fact that someone didn’t want to fight to be with me.
It may seem silly to some, but it’s all made me realize that hair isn’t permanent, and neither is heartbreak or pain.
And, you know what? If I can get through the next three to four months semi-unscathed (that’s how long Google says it will take me to grow out my breakup bangs), I consider it a win – for current me, for future me, and for whomever I choose to date next.
If I can learn to love myself as is and embrace my “mistakes” in all their hot mess glory, I know I will be fine. If I can learn to accept that I needed to lose some dead weight to actually lose the dead weight, then this is the best distraction to have ever happened to a woman in the history of breakup bounce backs.
You can keep your Khloe Kardashian revenge bodies, and your YOLO bucket lists. Keep your puppy adoptions (okay, no, actually, I’m into that) and your reactivations of your shiny, revamped Tinder profiles. I’m team #badhaircut for the ultimate bounce back. I’ll just be over here rocking my butterfly clips and barrettes for the time being, don’t mind me.
*Just remember ladies, certain impulsive actions and mistakes in life, like haircuts, can eventually fix themselves. But, a tattoo is harder to get rid of than a bad marriage.
Never Liked It Anyway is the sassy, powerful, and playful eBay for breakups — the place to go to buy, sell, and tell all things ex. It's the number one resource for moving on and bouncing back to your most fabulous self.