After a small hiatus, Thank You, Heartbreak is back with our 26th spotlight and very exciting news. Ever since the beginning of this series, the reception has been everything I could have asked for. In a word, it has resonated with you—and that alone had made me so proud of jumpstarting this project as well as the brilliant and brave creatives who have shared their story with such boldness and ease. In thanks to this all, I was inspired to go bigger, wider and, of course, deeper.
With that intention in mind, I’m so giddy and grateful to announce that the podcast Thank You Heartbreak has officially launched on iTunes, Stitcher, and Google Play.
In this podcast, you’ll be able to hear the stories spotlighted right here come to life as I sit down or talk on the phone with the creatives themselves. In addition to interview segments, Thank You Heartbreak will be composed of callers calling in for coaching and advice, a segment called Questions of the Heart where I’ll be answering questions from listeners, and solo episodes where I talk about breaking my own heart, love from 18-30, the tension (freedom and wisdom!) wrapped up in being thankful for the very things which hurt us and so. much. more.
In episode 002, we hear from certified Transformation Coach and Community Leader at DivorceForce Jennifer Butler, 41, of New York, NY whose story is featured right here, right now in our 26th spotlight.
After her divorce from a man she met at 18, Jenn went on to create a blueprint for healing from heartbreak—this blueprint now is the backbone of her signature 10-week coaching program, a program that helps you not only heal post-divorce or breakup but also create a life that is bigger and better than you have planned. In addition to her coaching program and laser-focused single sessions, which you can access at jennjoycoaching.com, DivorceForce is a place to find others in situations similar to your own, get advice, seek out professional views and swap personal experiences. It’s pretty much a lifeline that reminds you that you are not alone. And the beauty is, this resource is not only for those getting divorced but those affected by divorce too.
Obviously, Jenn is a woman after my own heart—and then some. Post-divorce she’s devoted her life to both raising her son a la conscious parenting and helping women rise up after their own divorce or breakup. Talking to her, it was immediately obvious that Jenn is a soulful and patient woman and a gracious and graceful thinker. I say graceful because her approach to just about everything in life seems to be centered in a single practice, and that is the practice of allowance. Whether it’s allowing her son to lean into the discomfort that comes with coming of age rather than racing in to save him or allowing herself to feel uncomfortable, unworthy, and abandoned in moments without fear that such emotions will take hold of her entire life and well-being, Jenn—no doubt—has learned to react less and allow more. In other words, post-divorce she’s discovered how to release fear and be love.
Listening to her the day we met to record the podcast was, in a word, relaxing. And yet, she’s also got this dual side to her nature that’s so well showcased throughout her coaching practice and that is her dedication to you knowing you can create a kick ass life. The fact that there’s such certainty and conviction behind that statement doesn’t surprise me. Not only is it wildly apparent just talking to her that she's worked her ass off to heal herself, know herself, and then faithfully live according to that self-awareness but she also arrived to my apartment post-workout, so the woman definitely knows how to be both rock solid physically and mentally. And yet, rather than be charged up when she speaks, she’s calming. I can’t wait for you to get to know her through our conversation.
To listen to our talk, tune into episode 002 of Thank You Heartbreak. And don’t be a stranger, inspire us by sharing your big takeaways below.
1. Do you think your success is a product of something you already had inside of yourself but relationship priorities either delayed or distracted you from going after or do you think solitude and loss themselves drove you to want more for yourself?
Honestly, I think it is a mixture of both. I was married very young, before I gave myself the time and space to let my gifts be fully recognized. Without ever really knowing and understanding myself, I became the other half to another human being. I slowly but surely lost sense of that deep place within me that I have now come to know so well. My marriage, and then my child, took priority over my own happiness and dreams. When my marriage ended after 10 years, the deep and profound loss I experienced drove me to explore myself in a way I didn’t know was possible. I set out on a course of solitude so that I could truly connect with the person I truly was deep inside. The result of this journey is a woman who is deeply in love with herself and committed to living from that space of knowing within. Committed to living a life of joy, fueled by the daily transformation of pain into power, joy, and freedom.
2. How did you adjust your mindset after your breakup so, instead of focusing on what was lost, you focused on what you could gain?
After my marriage ended, I spent time meditating, reading, and committed to my spiritual growth. I stumbled upon the idea that everything that happens in our lives is an opportunity for growth. If we can see all things as opportunities instead of problems, if we could understand that life is truly happening for us and that the universe has our back, then suddenly problems are no longer problems. They are stepping stones to us fulfilling our potential. I work on my mindset daily, this is a non-negotiable for me, as I know that my mindset is the foundation for everything I do in my life. This has been a game changer for me.
3. If every person that comes into our lives is truly an opportunity for us to learn and grow, what do you believe your ex was there to teach you?
I believe this beyond a shadow of any possible doubt. I teach my son that every single person that crosses his path is there to teach him something. My ex came into my life to teach me how to love myself, how to choose myself, how to stand on my own two feet. I may not have enjoyed the way these lessons were learned, the process was painful, but ultimately these are the lessons that I have needed to learn. I am here on this earth for a reason and that reason is to transcend the things that hold me back from living to my potential. If it weren’t for my experience with my ex, I would not be the woman I am today.
4. One of the most popular sayings is, time heals all wounds. What did you discover over time that helped you heal your wounds most?
It’s funny that you ask this question because one of the main topics I highlight when working with others is that the idea that time heals all wounds is a myth. I think many people, when going through something painful will catch themselves waiting for the day when they feel better. And if you wait for time to do magic, the day will never really come. Time creates distance from the wound, but the only way to heal is to take a deep dive into whatever that wound is so you can feel it fully and then release it. At the end of the day, you have to do the work. Whatever that work is for you, you have to go through it to truly find your way to healing. Time may create distance, and eventually a numbing or desensitizing to the event, but the true healing comes from within you.
5. How did you grow up and grow into yourself because of the relationship?
I would say that growing up is the thing I did most during my marriage and after my divorce. I was definitely at a low point in my life; low self-worth, very insecure, and at the beck and call of my emotions. I knew that I did not feel good in my skin at all and needed to make some changes. It is from getting to this point in my relationship and afterwards, not really liking myself at all, that I was forced to take an honest look at myself and make changes. It is from this entire experience that I have grown into loving myself fully and being accountable for everything in my life.
6. Coming out of your breakup, is there anything you could have done that would have gotten you to where you are now, only more quickly? If so, what would that have been?
Absolutely!! I would have first and foremost found a coach or mentor to help guide me through the process. I was in unchartered territory and had no idea what I was doing. I didn’t have the proper tools, knowledge, or support and I certainly wasn’t aware of what was normal and what the possibilities were. And I mean this not only in a literal divorce proceeding sense, but mostly in a personal growth sense. Post-divorce, I felt like a baby learning how to walk and talk all over again. It was a lot of guess work, a lot of falling down, a lot of failing. Would I take any of it back? No… because this is absolutely what has gotten me to where I am today, but I do imagine that a coach or mentor would have made the process a lot less random for me and certainly gotten me through more quickly.
7. What would you tell someone who was in need of finding the silver lining in their breakup?
I would tell them to find a way to trust in the process. For everyone, this will mean something different, but focus on trusting in that whatever is happening is truly happening in service of you. This can be the hardest thing to understand, especially when it feels like life is falling apart, but once you are able to embody this, you can then allow yourself to feel things fully and completely. You can let yourself experience whatever is necessary and then you can let go. It is a beautiful and flowing process that can occur.
8. If you could say or ask one last thing to your ex, what would you rather do? And what would the statement or question be?
I would rather say to my ex... Thank you.
9. In your opinion, what does it mean to breakupward? What would that look like to you?
To me, this is just like breaking up to breakthrough. A breakup can be the catalyst for your potential to be revealed or, as I like to call it, your superpowers. We discover the most powerful parts of ourselves when we face any sort of adversity or challenge. It is in these moments that so much is revealed to us, things we may never have known if not for the challenges we are thrusted into overcoming.
Breaking upward is a conscious choice to allow your breakup to be an opportunity for you to become all that you have been created to be.
Connect with Jenn yourself on Instagram and Facebook. Explore her coaching services through her website jennjoycoaching.com. Join the DivorceForce community to learn, connect, and community with professionals and people just like yourself.
A Breakup Coach trained and certified in Solution-Focused Life Coaching, Chelsea Leigh Trescott helps her clients find meaning in what's been lost. For a chance to be featured in her Mogul Q&A series or podcast Thank You Heartbreak write [email protected] or reach out on Instagram.
For her coaching services, including e-coaching services, visit Breakupward.com
A Breakup Coach trained and certified in Solution-Focused Life Coaching, Chelsea Leigh Trescott is the host of the podcast Thank You Heartbreak and the founder of Breakupward—a movement encouraging men and women to use heartbreak and setbacks as an opportunity to launch themselves to a greater [...]