To anybody that reads my stuff, and by anyone I mean that one person (hi Mum) you would know that I am obsessed with two things. Pizza, because pizza is lyfe and you don’t love pizza for the glorious amazing gift from god it is, then you are wrong. And you are weak. And your bloodline is weak and you’ll never survive the Winter. And also my lifelong dream is to own a goat called Pam and we’d live out our days on our mini-farm being the best of friends and I’d finally feel like heaven is a place on earth. Ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth? / Ooh, heaven is a place on earth. Etc.
So when I found out a farm in Esmont, Virginia is looking for volunteers to snuggle it’s baby goats I needed someone to hold me because it was all too much and I was packing my bags before you could say “dreams do come true”. I think we can all agree that this is the role I was born for. And just quietly if any of you try and do a Judas and take my spot expect all of your loved ones to go “missing” without a trace. Nothing to do with me of course. One of those weird coincidences.
Not only is there jobs for goat cuddlers, there’s also a range of cool as fuck jobs out there. These are the best job's in the marketplace.
Netflix is looking to pay someone to watch Netflix all day. I’m already putting my "I told you" so speech together to my Dad who said I’d never make anything of myself if I lay in bed and watch TV all day. Ha! I was actually taking part in an intense training regime to prepare me for this exact moment. Look, I’m sure there’s probably more to it then binge-watching 13 Reasons Why. And apparently, they employ people as “taggers” that help associate Netflix content with various tags that allow their algorithms to recommend other shows and movies to viewers based on what they are currently watching. Anyway BLAH BLAH BLAH shut up and employ me already.
So if you are like me and think that a chocolate bar is not only a perfectly acceptable meal choice but the breakfast of champions and that cocoa is a plant or some crap so #cleanliving then a chocolate consultant is the perfect position for you. All this time and no-one told me there’s a range of job’s that involve eating chocolate. From high-end chocolate tasters to more niche brands and people that consult with the major big players, these jobs all exist. I don’t need any of that fancy mumbo jumbo chocolate stuff, I’ll do it for a years supply of cadburys party mix.
When Linda Evangelista once said that she’d never get out of bed for less than 10k a day she was actually onto something. And that something was staying in bed and becoming a professional sleeper. Ok, so she wouldn’t have made near as much money as that whole supermodel business, but the perks of never leaving your bed clearly outweigh, like, everything including millions of dollars. There’s several positions that employ professional sleepers, such as hotel reviewer, bed, mattress and duvet tester, art exhibit or being hooked up to a lot of machines to check your heart rate and brain activity for scientific research. I don’t care what the hell you to do me, where do I sign already?
Being the country girl I am, I’m pretty sure I was drinking a beer as I came out the womb. Ok not really, and please don’t go and arrest my parents, but there’s nothing better than a cold beer on a stinking hot day, or at the end of a long day of work or at 9 am on a Tuesday morning because I can’t adult and it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I hope y’all sitting down right now because you’re about to get real shook. THERE ARE JOBS FOR BEER TASTERS!!!!!!!!
Because I’m a realist and stuff and apparently they don’t employ people to skull as many beers as possible, drunken text all of their exes and fall asleep naked in my neighbours front yard I'm not sure this is the exact position for me. You actually have to do stuff like being able to understand the taste texture, whether the beer is malt or hops based and decide whether it’s thin, a pale ale or thick like a stout etc. For more responsible beer drinkers this could be the dream role for you.
Panda Bear Cuddler
Here’s the perfect job for those of you who still want a job as a goat cuddler and clearly don’t love your family members, I mean, what? Anyway, you could actually make up to 32k a year with free accommodation and food and all you have to do is cuddle baby panda bears, all day, every day. In 2014, the China Giant Panda Protection and Research Center in Ya’an really employed someone to do just that. Is this even real-life? How is this a real job? What a time to be alive, I’m just saying.
Don’t know where to start to find your dream role? Check our the GradAustralia website for information on the best graduate jobs, internships and graduate programs in Australia.
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