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RelationshipAdvice:CanaLongDistanceRomanceWorkforYou?

Dear Sybersue
Dear Sybersue Dating/Relationship Coach, Advice Talk Show Host, Author & Advice Columnist
over 2 years Vancouver, BC, Canada Story
Relationship Advice: Can a Long Distance Romance Work for You?

In the past long distance relationships were not practiced much due to travel issues and regimented lifestyles. Since then, “The Millennium” has opened the technology doors to help make long distance romance feasible. So much so, that many couples have found love in other cities or even different countries and are making their situation work! Business travels and online dating sites have been the main reasons for this.

Innovative travel resources have lessened the stress within long distance relationships & many businesses are taking advantage of this as well. Companies everywhere are merging and expanding globally.

Why would we choose to be in a long distance relationship and make our love life so complicated?

1. Is it not difficult enough just dating in your own city close to home?

2. Do some people look for these long distance situations so they have an excuse not to commit?

3. Are they living the best of both worlds with a double life so to speak?

These are things to be very aware of when you are deciding if this type of arrangement can work for you long term. Don't turn a blind eye to things because you want to believe it could be real. Be careful that you are not romanticizing something that isn't reciprocated.

You have to pay even more attention when you are not living near someone and actions really do speak louder than words.

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Long gone is the "old school" way of communicating!  We are so much more connected than ever before and watching the news today is like being in someone’s backyard experiencing it as if we were there. But I do use the word “connected” lightly in the relationship sense. The smaller our world becomes, many people are isolating themselves behind their technology devices which contradicts what it is really suppose to do.

Unfortunately this makes meeting that special someone even harder than before. This is one of the reasons long distance relationships are happening more often now. People are expanding their playground to have more options.

If you are really serious about this long distance relationship, how do you make it work?

How do you keep from feeling insecure every time you say goodbye? How can you build a trust with them when half of your life is living in another city? The top priority should be to ensure you are both “clear” on the relationship’s progression.

How do we do that?

•Are you casually seeing each other or are you exclusive? Ask them!

• Don’t be afraid to ask the uncomfortable questions early on about "their" expectations, as this will save you any misunderstanding later on. Listen to what they are really saying. If they say they do not want an exclusive relationship, believe them! Don't go into this expecting them to change their minds.

•Communicating daily is very important to keep you both feeling secure. Talk about everything like you would over a glass of wine at home. Even the little things.

•Ask their advice on things to make them feel needed across the miles. Hearing their voice and their viewpoint is important.

• Face time or video phone calls should be made often as everyone needs "the visual" of the person they love! Texting isn’t enough. (Always take pride in your appearance ~ don’t be complacent; it is a date after all!)

•Travel time to see each other should be reciprocated and as often as possible. (absence doesn’t always make the heart grow fonder.)

•If you have talked about a long term commitment with them, have a future plan as to where you will live together so there are no surprises later.

• Know when to say good-bye; do not leave the relationship hanging if you are losing interest. Don’t lead anyone on longer than necessary and it is always better to tell them in person not in a text or phone call.

•Communication is the most needed tool to keep any partnership alive but it is imperative in a long distance relationship.

•Don’t ignore red flags or your gut trying to tell you something. Intuition is your guide and your best friend;trust it!

Be respectful of the time that is put in to seeing each other. Many long distance relationships actually work very well due to the effort that has to be implemented to sustain them. You have to work harder to keep it fresh and alive. There is always an excited anticipation for when the next visit is scheduled.

Make sure you are comfortable in both home scenarios with friends, location, family & careers. You may end up in one of these places more permanently so there needs to be a feeling of contentment regardless of where you end up living together. Many couples ignore this in the first year thinking the other will eventually compromise to living in “their” location; but it ends up being the main reason to the demise of many long distance partnerships.

Being on the same page through the transition of the relationship will keep it flourishing but when it changes for any reason, be honest with your partner. Being the last to know that someone has moved on is devastating.

Ending a relationship is always difficult and heartbreak is painful. Love doesn’t count the mileage; it hurts regardless of where you live. Be respectful of each other always.


Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show


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Dear Sybersue
Dating/Relationship Coach, Advice Talk Show Host, Author & Advice Columnist

Susan McCord known as "Dear Sybersue" around the Web, helps millennials and gen-exers find love and inspiration. As a mature woman, she has "been there done that" and has so many T-shirts she can open a store! Susan believes that we are all special and deserving of happiness. People get lost along [...]

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