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PLEASE,don´ttellmehowtodriveamancrazyaboutME!!!

Emilia Matiss
Emilia Matiss MD/Feminist/Ekpapalek Representative/Blogger
2y Perú Story
PLEASE, don´t tell me how to drive a man crazy about ME!!!

"How to get a man to miss you?"

"How to drive a man crazy while in bed?"

"How to seduce a man through text messages?"

All those subjects and many more of a similar pattern, presented, acted and 'elaborated' by a man on YouTube.

Truth be told, it is more than one man: they are many men acting through many channels and social web accounts.

Why is it that a man has to present to us the way we should act to get the emotional/sexual attention of a man? Is it that us, women, are so incapable altogether as to be rendered unable to spark some sort of interest, form a bond or establish a relationship with the man we want? Or is it that our behavior around a man has to be dictated precisely and minutely by what THEY (men) want?

I'm not lying, just search on YouTube (actually, this also would give you the same results on Google) the questions I wrote at the beginning of this article, and you'll see that 60-70% of the resulting links that will appear will have been authored by a man. And the counseling those men will provide in their answers will most likely go like this:

  • "Be a goddess in bed and win him over forever."
  • "Cut the drama, for men just hate drama".
  • "Everything comes through the eyes, so you must always look pretty".
  • "Make him feel like you need him, but don't make him feel like you're needy. Ask him to help you lift heavy things, ask him to help to open the jar lids: that'll make him feel manly and really strong!"
  • "Please, no drama"

REALLY?!?!?!

If you read this kind of stuff, and you happen to be a grown, mature woman with established principles, likes and personality, you may consider 'following' the tips that may suit you (who knows, they may work for something), just as long as they do not go directly against your dignity and self-esteem.

But what could happen if you happened to be a 14 or 15-year-old young woman reading/hearing this kind of messages? Is it really necessary to be pretty, to avoid making drama, to be a goddess in bed, and to pretend you're weak in order to win over a man? Are we living in the era of Facebook, of the menstrual cup, of the morning-after pill, of the discovery of the Higgs boson? I'm asking because that kind of advice seems to have been taken directly from the time in which our grandmothers' mothers lived (or even before that), and it does nothing more than to invalidate the REAL capacity of the feminine gender in all its potential, inferring that we should renounce all our capabilities just for the sake of procuring a partner.

This kind of advice does not take into consideration if you are one of those girls who prefer to abstain from sexual practices. 

Or if you are an independent girl able to open the lids of as many jars as you want (#sarcasm). 

Now, tell me: after studying for four consecutive exams in Law School, working a part-time job and barely sleeping 3 hours a day, is it really mandatory to look "pretty"? Unless we all happen to be expert mistresses of makeup and contouring, and happen to own a never ending supply of beauty products in our dressing tables, this actually sounds to me like: too much pressure

And why?! If you're interested in a guy/man, and you feel tempted to search on Google or YouTube for advice on how to win him over, well, it's your choice. But I can give you a piece of advice as well: 

if you strive to change the way you are just to get a man to like you, or if you start doing things with which you are not comfortable just to win him over, you could (perhaps) succeed and he may become "your man". But, honestly, how long will you stand doing things you don't feel like doing just to keep that relationship afloat? Wouldn't it be better to win him over by being yourself? That way, your demeanor would flow naturally, and being "his girlfriend" would not turn into another exhausting daily job.

Be yourself. If he likes you that way, bid him welcome. If he doesn't, well, someone else will come along and you won't have to change a bit your true colours.


Take it from a woman who had to abide by the wishes and standards set by "her boyfriend" for two terrible and tiresome years, and the only thing I got out of it was emotional scarring.

Thank you for reading me.

Puedes leer este artículo en español en mis entradas de Mogul o en mi blog Not That Pinky.


17 replies

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  • Patricia Merrill 28

    Bravo!  Well articulated and absolutely needed to be said.  Thank you!

    Bravo!  Well articulated and absolutely needed to be said.  Thank you!

    • Emilia Matiss
      Emilia Matiss MD/Feminist/Ekpapalek Representative/Blogger
      2y ago Perú

      Thanks for reading me Patricia!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

      Thanks for reading me Patricia!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

  • cmorcarol
    2y ago

    Why aren't there any articles about men asking, how to drive a woman mad in bed, and how to get a woman to fall in love with you?  Am I missing something?

    Why aren't there any articles about men asking, how to drive a woman mad in bed, and how to get a woman to fall in love with you?  Am I missing something?

    • Romeo Mihailus 82

      Yes, you're intentionally missing but not something, quite a big part of everything. You can start by searching google.

      Yes, you're intentionally missing but not something, quite a big part of everything. You can start by searching google.

    • Estalle
      2y ago

      Precisely my sentiment! Why aren't there similar articles about pleasing the feminine gender? Is it bias or men are just perpetually obsessed with how they want to be pleased by women! It's the 21 st century and I want to be pleased too! If one chooses to invoke the ideas proffered in these articles, it should be borne out of love and respect for your relationship, and not used as a basis for keeping one. To all the masculine gender, and authors of the articles in question, women are not your slaves!

      Precisely my sentiment! Why aren't there similar articles about pleasing the feminine gender? Is it bias or men are just perpetually obsessed with how they want to be pleased by women! It's the 21 st century and I want to be pleased too! If one chooses to invoke the ideas proffered in these articles, it should be borne out of love and respect for your relationship, and not used as a basis for keeping one. To all the masculine gender, and authors of the articles in question, women are not your slaves!

      • Emilia Matiss
        Emilia Matiss MD/Feminist/Ekpapalek Representative/Blogger
        2y ago Perú

        HI Estalle, you are so right!!!! is exactly what I try to express. There is a bunch of tutorials about "HOW TO PLEASE A MEN", but very few intelligent tutorials about how to please a woman. I watched some tutorials for men which said: "to like a woman you have to had money, and be clean, and be a gentleman"... that is all. Seriously? I mind a woman must be a princess, also aggressive, also a goodness in bed, also a like a child, also have a little bit innocence, also you should pay your dinner but also let that he pay for you sometimes... it´s ridiculous! Women are not slaves of anybody, and if we don't like you, fine! we are good!2 You are so right Estalle, so right!

        HI Estalle, you are so right!!!! is exactly what I try to express. There is a bunch of tutorials about "HOW TO PLEASE A MEN", but very few intelligent tutorials about how to please a woman. I watched some tutorials for men which said: "to like a woman you have to had money, and be clean, and be a gentleman"... that is all. Seriously? I mind a woman must be a princess, also aggressive, also a goodness in bed, also a like a child, also have a little bit innocence, also you should pay your dinner but also let that he pay for you sometimes... it´s ridiculous! Women are not slaves of anybody, and if we don't like you, fine! we are good!2 You are so right Estalle, so right!

      • Ldudette
        2y ago midwest USA

        Amen to that!! If only more women thought like this, what a world it would be!

        Amen to that!! If only more women thought like this, what a world it would be!

    • Emilia Matiss
      Emilia Matiss MD/Feminist/Ekpapalek Representative/Blogger
      2y ago Perú

      Because: they know all about girls and women (Sarcasm). 

      I think is because, we (women) have to like men´s, and men have to choose. But in the nature is the opposite, the female is the who choose. 
      Thanks for reading me.

      Because: they know all about girls and women (Sarcasm). 

      I think is because, we (women) have to like men´s, and men have to choose. But in the nature is the opposite, the female is the who choose. 
      Thanks for reading me.

  • Ldudette
    2y ago midwest USA

    You are so right, look at Glamour, Cosmo, all the women's magazines as well. It is always how we should behave to catch them. Give me a break! I am 52 and single by choice. I do not need a man to make me feel okay, or provide me with money and things. 

    These articles etc. are just another way some men try and control women. I see women every day who settle and tie themselves to men that are so far beneath them, just to feel safe, or to say they have someone. No Way!!

    You are so right, look at Glamour, Cosmo, all the women's magazines as well. It is always how we should behave to catch them. Give me a break! I am 52 and single by choice. I do not need a man to make me feel okay, or provide me with money and things. 

    These articles etc. are just another way some men try and control women. I see women every day who settle and tie themselves to men that are so far beneath them, just to feel safe, or to say they have someone. No Way!!

    • Emilia Matiss
      Emilia Matiss MD/Feminist/Ekpapalek Representative/Blogger
      2y ago Perú

      Yes, Yes, and yes!even in magazine´s for teenagers you can read this kind of articles!!! Dear Lynn i send you a big hug for being so capable of living beyond what other people will think about you and your choices, you are an independent an free women!

      Yes, Yes, and yes!even in magazine´s for teenagers you can read this kind of articles!!! Dear Lynn i send you a big hug for being so capable of living beyond what other people will think about you and your choices, you are an independent an free women!

  • caralyne
    2y ago

    You got it!  But plenty of women play pretend just to get a man, because.... well.. they gotta have one?  At least that is the response I get when I ask them... even my own daughter.  "I just can't be alone the rest of my life."  And this response is no respecter of age because I have asked younger and older women.  But Seriously?  With the wrong guy, you are pretty much alone.  Healthier to be alone than in a bad relationship.

    You got it!  But plenty of women play pretend just to get a man, because.... well.. they gotta have one?  At least that is the response I get when I ask them... even my own daughter.  "I just can't be alone the rest of my life."  And this response is no respecter of age because I have asked younger and older women.  But Seriously?  With the wrong guy, you are pretty much alone.  Healthier to be alone than in a bad relationship.

    • Ldudette
      2y ago midwest USA

      Amen Sister!!

      Amen Sister!!

    • Emilia Matiss
      Emilia Matiss MD/Feminist/Ekpapalek Representative/Blogger
      2y ago Perú

      Hi Caralyne! thanks for reading me. The idea of "no one can alone the rest of his/her live" is very common, i think it´s comming from the fear of being alone but also we have to think (as you exactly) IS HEALTHIER TO BE ALONE THAN IN A BAD RELATIONSHIP. Have a men is not a "need" is a choice. 

      Hi Caralyne! thanks for reading me. The idea of "no one can alone the rest of his/her live" is very common, i think it´s comming from the fear of being alone but also we have to think (as you exactly) IS HEALTHIER TO BE ALONE THAN IN A BAD RELATIONSHIP. Have a men is not a "need" is a choice. 

  • mka
    mka
    2y ago New York, NY, United States

    I completely agree. Most of these clickbaity articles are pointless and I can see how they would damage the esteem of a young girl.

    I completely agree. Most of these clickbaity articles are pointless and I can see how they would damage the esteem of a young girl.

    • Emilia Matiss
      [deleted]
      2y ago Perú

      [deleted]

      [deleted]

    • Emilia Matiss
      [deleted]
      2y ago Perú

      [deleted]

      [deleted]

    • Emilia Matiss
      Emilia Matiss MD/Feminist/Ekpapalek Representative/Blogger
      2y ago Perú

      Hi!! Yes! Exactly! This kind of messages can damage the self esteem of a young girl and also confuse the meaning of "being a an desirable woman". 

      Thanks for reading me!!! 

      Hi!! Yes! Exactly! This kind of messages can damage the self esteem of a young girl and also confuse the meaning of "being a an desirable woman". 

      Thanks for reading me!!! 


Emilia Matiss
MD/Feminist/Ekpapalek Representative/Blogger

Medical doctor, Latin American, mother, and an Ekpapalek Women Project representative. As a medical doctor, I work on the recovery of patients who had undergone orthopaedic and traumatological surgery, and I also have an administrative job in a state-run hospital; that’s why, as a woman and as a [...]

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