"How to get a man to miss you?"
"How to drive a man crazy while in bed?"
"How to seduce a man through text messages?"
All those subjects and many more of a similar pattern, presented, acted and 'elaborated' by a man on YouTube.
Truth be told, it is more than one man: they are many men acting through many channels and social web accounts.
Why is it that a man has to present to us the way we should act to get the emotional/sexual attention of a man? Is it that us, women, are so incapable altogether as to be rendered unable to spark some sort of interest, form a bond or establish a relationship with the man we want? Or is it that our behavior around a man has to be dictated precisely and minutely by what THEY (men) want?
I'm not lying, just search on YouTube (actually, this also would give you the same results on Google) the questions I wrote at the beginning of this article, and you'll see that 60-70% of the resulting links that will appear will have been authored by a man. And the counseling those men will provide in their answers will most likely go like this:
- "Be a goddess in bed and win him over forever."
- "Cut the drama, for men just hate drama".
- "Everything comes through the eyes, so you must always look pretty".
- "Make him feel like you need him, but don't make him feel like you're needy. Ask him to help you lift heavy things, ask him to help to open the jar lids: that'll make him feel manly and really strong!"
- "Please, no drama"
If you read this kind of stuff, and you happen to be a grown, mature woman with established principles, likes and personality, you may consider 'following' the tips that may suit you (who knows, they may work for something), just as long as they do not go directly against your dignity and self-esteem.
But what could happen if you happened to be a 14 or 15-year-old young woman reading/hearing this kind of messages? Is it really necessary to be pretty, to avoid making drama, to be a goddess in bed, and to pretend you're weak in order to win over a man? Are we living in the era of Facebook, of the menstrual cup, of the morning-after pill, of the discovery of the Higgs boson? I'm asking because that kind of advice seems to have been taken directly from the time in which our grandmothers' mothers lived (or even before that), and it does nothing more than to invalidate the REAL capacity of the feminine gender in all its potential, inferring that we should renounce all our capabilities just for the sake of procuring a partner.
This kind of advice does not take into consideration if you are one of those girls who prefer to abstain from sexual practices.
Or if you are an independent girl able to open the lids of as many jars as you want (#sarcasm).
Now, tell me: after studying for four consecutive exams in Law School, working a part-time job and barely sleeping 3 hours a day, is it really mandatory to look "pretty"? Unless we all happen to be expert mistresses of makeup and contouring, and happen to own a never ending supply of beauty products in our dressing tables, this actually sounds to me like: too much pressure.
And why?! If you're interested in a guy/man, and you feel tempted to search on Google or YouTube for advice on how to win him over, well, it's your choice. But I can give you a piece of advice as well:
if you strive to change the way you are just to get a man to like you, or if you start doing things with which you are not comfortable just to win him over, you could (perhaps) succeed and he may become "your man". But, honestly, how long will you stand doing things you don't feel like doing just to keep that relationship afloat? Wouldn't it be better to win him over by being yourself? That way, your demeanor would flow naturally, and being "his girlfriend" would not turn into another exhausting daily job.
Be yourself. If he likes you that way, bid him welcome. If he doesn't, well, someone else will come along and you won't have to change a bit your true colours.
Take it from a woman who had to abide by the wishes and standards set by "her boyfriend" for two terrible and tiresome years, and the only thing I got out of it was emotional scarring.
Thank you for reading me.
Puedes leer este artículo en español en mis entradas de Mogul o en mi blog Not That Pinky.
Medical doctor, Latin American, mother, and an Ekpapalek Women Project representative. As a medical doctor, I work on the recovery of patients who had undergone orthopaedic and traumatological surgery, and I also have an administrative job in a state-run hospital; that’s why, as a woman and as a [...]