It's Steph from Swiftmas. I wanted to let you know how incredibly grateful I remain and will always be for everything you’ve done for me and Leyton. The past year and a half has been a bit rough, to say the least (and, truthfully, even when you visited things weren’t so perfect in the personal life either), but the last few months have gotten increasingly better. It will be a long road ahead, but it is so largely due to my best friend, Sammi (who you met and thus since has taken me and Leyton in like family), and to the people I have met through you that I’ve been hanging in there.
Leyton’s dad has moved away and all but disappeared, as of now. I’ve no idea if he will ever roll around again, and with the way he’s so freely stepped out of his life I’m not even sure if it’s in his best interest if he does. It breaks my heart, and I know it will be hard to explain to him if he does decide to remain out of his life. Thankfully, we have an *incredible* support system of family and friends alike, and this absolutely includes those people I mentioned before that you brought into my life. They’ve done more for us than I can possibly even mention and still keep this at all concise, but please know that so many of the people who look up to you and call themselves your fans are truly amazing people and I’m so beyond thankful to you and to them.
Thank you for all your support and love in the past; on the hardest days, I think back on it and helps so immensely to brighten things here. Thank you for incredibly relatable music that not only helped with so much in the past but in present times as well; the lyrics to Better Man could not have possibly come at a better time in my life, so thank you beyond words for writing it. Thank you just as much for your catchy, “dancy” (is that even a word?) songs- they helped so much when I decided that enough was enough and that I needed to take care of myself and lost 70 pounds between the end of March and October of last year. Thank you for helping me remember that “she lost him but found herself, and somehow that was everything”- because it couldn’t be more appropriate for life right now. Despite the hardship, despite how difficult it can be some days and the uphill battle we are facing, I haven’t felt more like myself in years. I smile, I laugh, and it feels genuine despite any fear and difficulty. Thank you for continuing to put a smile on my son’s face; he thinks of you so, so fondly and talks of you often. He got to see his first concert for you in Austin at COTA this past October, thanks to the help from some amazing friends and family, and seeing him scream along to the words of Shake It Off brought some serious waterworks from this mama. He was so in his element and so happy to see you like that. Right now and always, his happiness is what matters most to me, and I’m so blessed and honored and grateful that you are a part of that happiness for him.
It’s still hard to feel like I deserve much as I try to put the rejection of divorce and abandonment behind me, but you, my son, and the incredible second family I have met through you have helped me to realize that maybe I’m worth something after all. I'm getting there, anyway.
I hope this letter hasn’t seemed sad in any way; it wasn’t meant to! On the contrary, it is a letter of gratitude and positivity among hard times and a message of hope. I hope that when you are having your hardest days, or weeks, or even year, that you remember how many people’s lives you’ve impacted so positively (ours included, both very directly and indirectly through the fabulous people we know through you) and feel so good about all you’ve done for others. I hope you remember just as much that each and every one of us will be there for YOU and stand by you always, in your hardest times and your best ones.
I hope that this past year has brought you lots of happiness, and hopefully some well deserved rest, too! Happy Valentine’s Day, lovely. I hope it’s an amazing one. :) Sending hugs from me and the little guy (and another kiss from him!)
Aaaand of course, I tried to keep this concise and failed, haha sorry!
Steph & Leyton (who has gotten WAY too big!)
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