Open Letter to the Cake in The Break Room At Work

Dear cake in the break room at work,

I was on my way to the refrigerator, to retrieve the healthy snack I had brought from home (a Yoplait Light & Fit yogurt cup with sliced fruit) when I passed you. 

You were just sitting there on the counter, in all of your cream covered, custard filled glory.  My poor yogurt & fruit didn’t stand a chance against you.  You were beckoning to me, in that way you always do.  You were pleading with me to take a bite, just one little bite, as if one bite would ever be enough to satisfy me.  You know I have a weakness for you.  You’re like that ex that I never quite got over, even after years of trying and lots of therapy.  Of course our relationship is purely one-sided and always has been.  I am in love with you and you’re completely indifferent to me.  “Eat me or don’t eat me,” you would say, if you could talk.  “It doesn’t make a bit of difference to me.  If you don’t eat me some other weak, pathetic (and probably not even hungry) woman will”. 

I wish I could say I fought the good fight.  I wish I could say I stood my ground and didn’t give in to you, but we both know the truth.   Your pull was just too strong and I am just too weak.  At first it was just a little frosting.  Then some cake, but just a little.  But as the day went on, a little bit turned into a lot and, before I knew it, I was sneaking a full plate of you back to my desk and devouring you as quickly as I could, destroying the evidence before any of my co-workers could see just how low I had sunk.  So much for my resolution to lose weight.  So much for my diet and exercise plan.  I had officially lost control.  You had made me lose control.  You turned me from a rational, healthy eating, regular exerciser (which I had been for the whole two weeks prior) to a sugar-obsessed maniac, willing to sacrifice it all for one measly piece of cake.

You and I have been here before.   And I’m sure we’ll be here again.  I always vow that next time I will be stronger.  Sometimes I am.  But sometimes, like today, I’m not.  I gave up meat a few years ago.  You’d think giving up sweets would be easy after giving up meat, but not so much.  I envy those people who say they don't like sweets. I envy them but also don't understand or fully trust them.  Who doesn't like sweets?     I want to think that someday I will be able to live a life free from your torment.  One where I can just take you or leave you.  But I don't see how that could happen, with you being so delicious and me being so in love with your deliciousness.  I guess, what's one piece of cake really in the grand scheme of things?  I can always restart my diet plan tomorrow.  But since the day is basically wasted already, I may as well go and have another slice of cake.  If there is still any of you left, that is.

Yours truly,

Rebeca