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NeverBeenKissed

Ami Nakrani
over 1 year Story
Never Been Kissed

Hi, my name is Ami, I'm 21 years old (22 years young in 9 days) and I've never been kissed...oops. I'm not sure how to explain it, but I've always had a hard time feeling or imagining intimacy and romance, as well as feeling comfortable in who I am. I always thought because I lived in a traditional Indian household, I just wasn't exposed to things of that nature. For instance, I never saw my parents hug or kiss, and I never really received attention like that either, however, there was still lots of love to give--don't get me wrong. As a young child, watching movies with sex scenes, kissing, and just intimate moments in general, I would naturally close my eyes and say things like "ew gross", and sadly, I still do this. I've never had a boyfriend, a fling, hooked up, "grinded" with a guy at the club, and the list goes on. The most I've ever done with a guy is some innocent flirting at the bar with shoulder caressing, and flirty texting. I actually recently went on my first date ever, but I just wasn't feeling it (heard some bad things about the guy that truly turned into a character assassination). I even mess around on apps like Tinder, but by mess around, I mean chatting for a bit and then ghosting them because it's never that serious. 

I love boys and am attracted to all of them out there (I'm essentially the epitome of Charli XCX's lyric "I was busy thinking 'bout boys"). I'm always crushing hard and am that girl who says "my boyfriend just walked in" about a complete and total stranger. But with all of this in mind, "it" just never happened for me. I'm not sure why, but it upsets me because I feel like I missed something and feel out of place sometimes. I look around at all my friends who are in relationships, see couples on campus, hear about hook up stories, and think, “how do people do it?”. 

Not to toot my own horn, but I would say I'm a decently attractive person, quite social, witty and smart, and really just someone a guy would enjoy being around (at least I hope so). But I can't use any of these qualities to my gain in order to snatch a “mans” because I overthink everything and get scared. On the other hand, I'm also a pretty detached person emotionally and physically-- I'm basically a meme you see online about your friends not liking hugs and being affectionate. Sometimes I even think to myself that I don’t need to get married or justify to myself that I can be without a partner for the rest of my days just to avoid sexual, intimate, and romantic feelings with a man.

For a few years now, I've been contemplating whether I'm somewhere on the asexual spectrum because of these feelings and the way I think and interact. I've been researching on the topic, especially watching videos of other people explaining their asexual experiences and interpretations, but it sometimes makes me even more confused that I already am. When I tell people that I've never kissed anyone or had a boyfriend, in conjunction with mentioning I may be asexual (a term I've learned that many people have never heard of), they laugh and essentially think it's a joke. They tell me it's because I haven't met the "one" yet, but I honestly don't know if that's it.

The idea of being romantic and intimate with a guy genuinely scares me, however, I want to experience these things, but at the same I really don't. I know I'm still fairly young and have so much time to figure it out, but I just wish I had it all figured out now.


13 replies

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  • Bethany Heinrich
    Bethany Heinrich Mogul Influencer
    over 1 year ago New York, NY, United States

    This is such a cool and important discussion. 

    This is such a cool and important discussion. 

    • Ami Nakrani
      over 1 year ago

      Hi, Bethany, yes, it really is. I really appreciate you saying that. Thank you for sharing that sentiment:) 

      Hi, Bethany, yes, it really is. I really appreciate you saying that. Thank you for sharing that sentiment:) 

  • Lakenhorton
    Lakenhorton Co-President for Mogul at K-State
    over 1 year ago Kansas State University, Manhattan, KS, United States

    I am 22 and I have experienced this exact same thing to a T minus the researching of asexual, I just never thought to think about that. I feel weird about the fact that I am uncomfortable with the thought of relationships. If i talk to a guy as a friend its smooth sailing but if i start to feel even an inch of emotion i shut down and get weirded out about it. Thank you so much for sharing your story because you speaking your truth hits so many girls who deal with the same thing.

    I am 22 and I have experienced this exact same thing to a T minus the researching of asexual, I just never thought to think about that. I feel weird about the fact that I am uncomfortable with the thought of relationships. If i talk to a guy as a friend its smooth sailing but if i start to feel even an inch of emotion i shut down and get weirded out about it. Thank you so much for sharing your story because you speaking your truth hits so many girls who deal with the same thing.

    • Ami Nakrani
      over 1 year ago

      This is why there needs to be more conversation about the asexuality spectrum--I had no clue what it was until

       I googled something along the lines of  "never been kissed and I'm 20" like two years ago, and just went into a rabbit hole about it. Also I'm the same exact way with guys; if I start thinking their cute and whatever, it's like a switch flips and I can't function normally. Thank you so much for reading and sharing your words with me, I really appreciate it. 

      This is why there needs to be more conversation about the asexuality spectrum--I had no clue what it was until

       I googled something along the lines of  "never been kissed and I'm 20" like two years ago, and just went into a rabbit hole about it. Also I'm the same exact way with guys; if I start thinking their cute and whatever, it's like a switch flips and I can't function normally. Thank you so much for reading and sharing your words with me, I really appreciate it. 

  • Kirstie Moore
    Kirstie Moore President of Mogul at UNC-Chapel Hill
    over 1 year ago Chapel Hill, NC, United States

    I relate to this so much. I have never been kissed either. You are not alone. In this world, no one has everything figured out. I am like you, and I worry about never having my first kiss, but I'm also scared to actually do it. However, I believe if you are with the right person it won't be scary and we will be fine. :)

    I relate to this so much. I have never been kissed either. You are not alone. In this world, no one has everything figured out. I am like you, and I worry about never having my first kiss, but I'm also scared to actually do it. However, I believe if you are with the right person it won't be scary and we will be fine. :)

    • Ami Nakrani
      over 1 year ago

      Hi, Kirstie! I had such a big smile on my face after reading this. Literally, you are the only person I have met that is essentially in the same boat as me. So glad to know I'm not completely alone. One day at a time, right;) 

      Hi, Kirstie! I had such a big smile on my face after reading this. Literally, you are the only person I have met that is essentially in the same boat as me. So glad to know I'm not completely alone. One day at a time, right;) 

    • Ami Nakrani
      [deleted]
      over 1 year ago

      [deleted]

      [deleted]

  • Bethany Heinrich
    Bethany Heinrich Mogul Influencer
    over 1 year ago New York, NY, United States

    @Elizabeth Stone what would your advice be on this topic? 

    @Elizabeth Stone what would your advice be on this topic? 

    • Elizabeth Stone
      Elizabeth Stone Founder and CEO of AttractTheOne.com
      over 1 year ago

      Thanks for thinking of me @Bethany Heinrich!


      I'm torn here. I'm reading fear, indecision and inexperience here but I would never venture to override one's experience with my own opinion about their experience. To me, I would exhaust all options before simply deciding someone was asexual.

      Thanks for thinking of me @Bethany Heinrich!


      I'm torn here. I'm reading fear, indecision and inexperience here but I would never venture to override one's experience with my own opinion about their experience. To me, I would exhaust all options before simply deciding someone was asexual.

      • Ami Nakrani
        over 1 year ago

        You're readings are very valid in this case and I appreciate your insight:) 

        You're readings are very valid in this case and I appreciate your insight:) 

  • Maddy Bernstein
    over 1 year ago

    @Ami Nakrani I think it's awesome you opened up on this. And I think it's totally okay to feel the way you do and not know whether you are asexual or if you just haven't met the one you want to kiss yet. It feels like there's so much pressure in society sometimes to grow up fast and be sexually active, when in reality we should be able to go at our own pace. 

    @Ami Nakrani I think it's awesome you opened up on this. And I think it's totally okay to feel the way you do and not know whether you are asexual or if you just haven't met the one you want to kiss yet. It feels like there's so much pressure in society sometimes to grow up fast and be sexually active, when in reality we should be able to go at our own pace. 

    • Ami Nakrani
      over 1 year ago

      Thank you for the kind words! It's honestly such an internal struggle, but I definitely agree with you on going at your own pace and the pressure society puts on young people about sex, relationships, etc. 

      Thank you for the kind words! It's honestly such an internal struggle, but I definitely agree with you on going at your own pace and the pressure society puts on young people about sex, relationships, etc. 

  • Deimante Sefleryte 16
    over 1 year ago

    Although I had my first kiss, I can relate to this because I feel like I am somewhere on asexual spectrum. I have my own guesses why I never been in a relationship and it does relate to it. Asexuality is a spectrum and you could be on it.

    Although I had my first kiss, I can relate to this because I feel like I am somewhere on asexual spectrum. I have my own guesses why I never been in a relationship and it does relate to it. Asexuality is a spectrum and you could be on it.

    • Ami Nakrani
      over 1 year ago

      Glad to know I'm not the only one who feels like they are on the spectrum:) 

      Glad to know I'm not the only one who feels like they are on the spectrum:) 


Trying to live my best life these days.

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