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Elizabeth Stone
Elizabeth Stone Founder and CEO of
1y Story
How Casting Blame Blocks You From Having The Life You Really Want

Think about how you felt the last time someone blamed you for something. Awful, right? Whether you deserved it or not, it probably felt pretty crappy.

Feeling this blame didn’t make you feel better about the situation or who you cast the blame on, right?

Probably not.

But so many of us go about judging and casting blame for our problems, all day long. It feels easier in the moment to decide that the reason why we’re not feeling the way we want to feel isn’t our fault.

But like any situation where you give up your own control, the act of placing blame lies to us. When we look around for something to blame for whatever negative thing is happening, it makes us feel like if we could just figure out EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED and place the blame wand on it, somehow we could absolve ourselves of responsibility.

The problem is that blaming your spouse, yourself, your dog, the mailman, or WHOMEVER for a problem, doesn’t get you any closer to thinking about what would create a solution to the larger problem.

When you blame, you circumvent the rational self examination process that dictates whether you’ll be able to solve a problem or simply find a scapegoat and then dump the responsibility off on them.

And it’s so easy to give up responsibility for our problems. It keeps our ego feeling superior and in control.

The problem is that when we don’t use problems as opportunities to examine our lives and make changes, it’s so much more likely that we’ll stay stuck and keep experiencing the same problems over and over again.

Now, when we cast blame, we don’t usually think about it like that. It selfishly feels good to be able to say “that was your fault” and absolve yourself of all responsibility.

However, like eating a sweet and feeling crappy and hour later, blame is the junk food of your emotional world. If you indulge in it, really binge, you get to give up responsibility for awhile but in the long run, you’re avoiding doing the real work that it takes to create the kind of life you’d like to live.

By avoiding responsibility, you stay stuck.

After all, if external circumstances created the problem, then how can you solve it? It’s an enticing trap to fall into.

So when you tell yourself that story about “why don’t you have that relationship you want,” or how “your ex is a terrible hosebeast who ruined everything” and are tempted to blame men, women, the law of attraction, the lack of opportunity out there in the dating world, etc, ad nauseum, instead, look inside, own your part and take responsibility. Only after you take responsibility for a problem can you get closer to what you consciously say you really want in your life.

Want the kind of love you really want?

If you keep ending up in dead-end relationships with guys who dump, ghost and neglect you, get to the bottom of it with a free copy of my book, Why Men Lose Interest: How To Be The One Who Truly "Gets" Him and free daily email series.

Originally published at Attract The One. Republished with permission from the author.

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Elizabeth Stone
Founder and CEO of

Author and tireless champion of love.

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