“It is always important to know when something has reached its end. Closing circles, shutting doors, finishing chapters, it doesn't matter what we call it; what matters is to leave in the past those moments in life that are over.”– Paulo Coelho, The Zahir
I get it. Leaving things behind is hard. And sometimes, walking away from people we have never imagined saying goodbye to hurts. We make decisions that we often doubt because we are so fearful of making a mistake or losing that special thing that we often forget that some things are not meant to evolve into something more. Or, we refuse to accept that some things come with an expiry date. And let me tell you that it’s tricky to decide to move forward in life. We often confuse moving-on to better things with giving-up while in fact it’s just taking a different route heading into the same direction.
I am among many of the people out there who kept coming back and forth to situations that I hoped at the time will be different, get better, and change. It is such a dangerous thing to do because the more we do it, the deeper we sink. And the more we get involved, the harder it becomes for us to get out of that toxic pattern of behavior. We all come back for a variety of reasons and that is when we need to examine the choice we are making at hand. Before you decide to relive a past experience, evaluate your reasons by considering the following:
Fear of the Unknown
We all to some extent get insecure about what the future holds because it can be unclear and unpredictable. It does not come with a warning sign nor it offers a returning point. To quit a job that serves as a source of living but does not fulfill us, to end a toxic friendship with a soulmate who understands us like no one else does, to leave a partner who is not right for us who we got comfortable with and exposed to can be so darn terrifying. We get so scared about the idea of losing what we have although it might not be what we are looking for, deserve, or want. And that is nonsense because at the end of the day we are fooling ourselves. We are gambling with our time. We are playing a game we have lost long before we started. Moving forward can shake our entire world firmly and greatly, but if we just let it be, it can be the best thing that has ever happened to us. Are we coming back because we or they made a mistake? Are we coming back because some things are worth fight for? Or, are we coming back because we are not brave enough to move on yet?
Fear of Getting Heart Broken
Sometimes we would rather reopen an old wound than get a brand new scar. We would like to be mentally prepared for heartache than being caught off guard. We fear getting out there and don’t want to be rejected or feel unwanted. We fear being seen again because we try to convince ourselves that what we had was good, real, and unique. Yet, that doesn’t change the fact that they were not the one, they are not the one and they are not going to be the one. Someone becomes the one for us by effort and investment. We might lose a chance on what was but the loss we experience by not taking a chance on what could be in the future is far more costly. Losing someone that comes once in a life time than going back to someone we had a moment of life time with is the kind of thing we should fear. The moment, the magic, the one: they don’t just end, they don’t leave like that, they don’t just disappear.
Fear of Timing
Coming across what we have not seen as a potential at first can be a slap in the face. I think that we are never fully ready, we are ready to some degree, in some areas. But, that is when things get interesting is when we allow life to take us places we have never imagined in such an unexpected time. It's tough to find the one we have been looking for or even meet a great match for us at a very messy time of our life where we are not sure of what we are doing and who we are. But, what kind of person do you want to be: the person who went for it anyway or the person who held back for whatever reason? It might not be the real deal but it surly can lead you to the real one. Or at least, it can prepare you better for the real deal, so you are not as fearful once it comes. Timing has a twisted way of teaching us life’s most valuable treasures. To gracious lessons!
Born in Jordan with Palestinian origin. Farah is an only child, raised by a single mother. An Aries by heart. Deep af. She believes in magic and love is her religion. She wants to make the world a beautiful place by inspiring people through her writings.