Spoiler: If you’re happy being a Tinderella or the Bumble catch-of-the-day, then just keep on swiping away and don’t bother reading any further. However, if you’re a woman looking for a serious relationship, then this blog is a must-read for you.
So, you’ve been dating a guy for months and you’re sleeping with him, and you know that it’s high time you asked him, “So, what am I to you?” “Am I your girlfriend?” “Am I just a booty call?” “Am I just another friend with benefits?”
How do you introduce him to your friends and family? I’m sure your grandmother doesn’t want to hear that this is your f*ck buddy or that you’re just his swipe-of-the-month.
Isn’t it time you addressed the elephant in the room and stopped hip hopping around it?
What has happened to 21st century women? They seem to be just as afraid, if not more afraid of men, than 19th and 20th century women were. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times – women may be publicly emancipated, but they’re still privately enslaved to men.
This new millennium breed of commitment-phobic/player/man-boy has become the modern-day master over women, telling them that they can come this close, but not that close; don’t call me, I’ll text you when and if I feel like it; I can have my cake and eat it, too, “And you’re cool with this, right? Because we’re pumped up with testosterone and we call all the shots.”
Come on, Girlfriends, are you really so afraid of losing whatever it is you think that you have with this guy, that you don’t have the courage to ask him whether you can be or if you’ll ever be -- any time in the not so distant future – exclusive? I guess you could wait around until you catch an STD to insist that he stop seeing other people; or you could learn the hard way just what you weren’t to him, when he tells you that he can’t see you anymore because he has a steady girlfriend. To avoid the above two scenarios and some far worse ones than even those, I propose that you just put your cards on the table and ask him right out, right now, “What or who am I to you?”
Oh, but you’re thinking that this tactic might backfire on you; so maybe you just better wait another day or another decade to go there. I suggest that you try loving yourself the way you’d love your daughter, your sister, or your best friend. What would you tell these beloved females to do in this instance? You would more than likely tell them to come to a place of self-love, speak up, and stand up for what they want and what they deserve.
Come on, already … do you really want to hide your head in the sand and just assume that he isn’t sleeping with other people? Well, that kind of thinking may bring you a frightening wake-up call in the form of a superbug -- drug resistance gonorrhea. Do you want to risk getting HIV or herpes, just because you’re too afraid to broach the topic of commitment? I’m sure contracting these diseases isn’t on your “To Do List,” “Wish List” or “Bucket List.”
Then what’s a smart girl to do?
In all honesty, the time to have this discussion is before you drop your thong, not after; but if you’ve already crossed that bridge, then, well, better late than never.
Just be honest and forthcoming and tell Mr. Commitment-phobe that you’re not comfortable with the situation. Sure, you‘ve tried to be Samantha Jones in Sex in the City, but you’ve come to the conclusion that you just need to be your good old-fashioned self. Point blank -- you don’t want drama and disease; therefore, if you want to keep seeing me, then see only me.
If you truly want a lasting, committed relationship then you really need to re-think you’re dating strategy, and to value yourself enough to state what you want from the get-go. If a man runs away because of this, then it’s better to learn that he has commitment issues sooner rather than later. You can take some comfort in knowing that he isn’t rejecting you; he’s rejecting the higher love you’re offering him. This doesn’t mean that he’s not into you; it means that he’s just not into a higher love. Stop trying to sell him something he isn’t interested in.
Wasting your time on a guy, who doesn’t value you enough to commit to you, can keep you from moving forward and finding a man who wants to love you and only you. Don’t you deserve a man who doesn’t think that there are four hundred Tinderellas out there that he needs to bed before he can be sure that you’re “The One?”
If you really want lasting love, commitment, and/or marriage, then pray for a Soul Mate who’s ready, willing, and able to love and commit to you and to commit to healing, and pray to be a Soul Mate who’s ready, willing, and able to do the same.
Just because the man you’re seeing is happy with hit-and-run relationships and swipe and go encounters, doesn’t mean that you have to go along for the ride. If he doesn’t want what you want – just tell him to hit the road Jack, and don’t you come back no more….
Cindi Sansone-Braff, the Romance Whisperer, talks with the dead to show you how to live well and love better. She is an award-winning playwright and has a BFA in theatre from the University of Connecticut. She is the author of Grant Me a Higher Love and Why Good People Can’t Leave Bad Relationships. Visit her web site at: http://www.grantmeahigherlove.com.
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