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Boyfriendsandthelikes

Julz Gates 2
almost 2 years Story
Boyfriends and the likes

So I have something important I would like to discuss. We have all been in a situation where we cried over a relationship. Whether it be because you and your partner are arguing, you broke up, they are in some kind of distress and you cry for them, or maybe even happy tears from something positive. What I wanna do is discuss one thing in particular, share with you how it relates to my life today, explain what I have done to cope with it, and hopefully help you to cope with it if you're having the same issues. 

So lets start with some background. 

When I left my home for college I left a serious relationship with it. Since I moved here I have met several new people and of all of those people only one of them, have I let close enough to call my boyfriend. This guy, is very important to me. We do all sorts of things together. Roller skating, bowling, going to the Cinema, and even to very nice dinners. He chose to spend his birthday with me, rather than his friends or family. We hold hands, hug, kiss, and even sleep next to each other most nights, despite us both having our own place. So what I am trying to say is we are pretty serious. 

However, he is from another country and is only in America to study at my college. Infact he has been here for a few years and is very close to graduating. He is going back home at the end of the next semester. 

So naturally, he refuses to get too close. He won't call me his girlfriend, and he won't tell me he loves me. 

I'm sure you can understand why this is a little frustrating, cause after all this time I thought maybe he would lighten up and admit his feelings for me. 

So what I am trying to get at, is sometimes things don't happen the way you want them to. Sometimes circumstances inhibit the things you want to happen from panning out. I think that it's time the girls around me realize that this is normal and that it's not the end of the world.

After a lot of thought I have come up with some tips on how to deal with a situation like this. 

1. Acceptance: The first step is the realize your situation, and understand that there is nothing you can do about what your partner feels and thinks about the situation. They have reasons, and whether or not you agree, you need to be understanding and you need to care about why she/he might be doing this. Sometimes you don't need to agree, you just need to understand. And if you don't, try and talk with your partner to better understand. It's not fair to assume that they don't care about you. And it's also selfish to try and force them into doing something that you know they are obviously scared of doing. 

2. Move on: Now, when I say move on, I don't mean drop your partners contact and never speak to them again. What I am simply stating is you should probably realize that it's not going to happen the way you want it to but that doesn't mean you can't still be best buds. For example, the partner I referred to earlier. Him and I still go to dinner and still see movies together. We just do it more often with other people present as well. I also downloaded a few of those dating apps, like Tinder. Why? I know it's scary to meet new people. Especially face to face. So meeting via social media, then meeting in person later might soften the blow and the pressure. You may think it's weird, but this way you get the chance to meet people with similar interests. You go in already knowing a little about the new person, and have a better chance of meeting someone compatible. 

3. Friends: surround yourself with all of those girl/guy friends that you have no romantic interest in. Hang out and do some of the stuff that you did with your partner, with them instead. So you get a feel of doing those things in a friendly rather than romantic atmosphere. That way the next time you go on a "date" with him/her, it's not so intimate cause you would do that with any of your friends. This is a healthy way of detaching from your partner and also maintaining that friendly relationship that you have been craving. 

4. Hobbies: Get yourself some new goals. Things you want to do, and work towards. Longterm, but still small. For example, I have a dream to go to another country to teach English. In order to do that, I have to learn the native tongue. So what I have been doing is diving into Duolingo, and Busuu to learn Arabic as fast as possible. This not only keeps me busy, but it makes me feel better about myself because I see my progress and no longer feel like "oh why I am not good enough for him". Because ladies, of course you're good enough for him. Infact, the problem very well be that you might be too good for him/her. 


Now I know that I am not a psychiatrist and I am not certified to tell you these things are the perfect way to cure your problem. But what I can tell you, is this is what is helping me get through it. 

If anyone has any questions, or even any tips for me that you would like to suggest, go ahead and text, email, or reply in the comments. 

2082068388

gatejuli@isu.edu


Ladies, you are not alone. 


6 replies

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  • Bethany Heinrich
    Bethany Heinrich Mogul Influencer
    almost 2 years ago New York, NY, United States

    @Elizabeth Stone what would you recommend in this situation? 

    @Elizabeth Stone what would you recommend in this situation? 

    • Elizabeth Stone
      Elizabeth Stone Founder and CEO of AttractTheOne.com
      almost 2 years ago

      Her advice for herself here is pretty appropriate. I mean, she's planning on doing all the stuff I would recommend-- dating others, letting go and diluting his influence in his life.


      Above that, I'd suggest not trying to have any serious talks of any kind-- even when he goes. 

      People tend to get super dramatic in these kind of circumstances-- so they say things like "GOODBYE FOREVER, I'LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU" when the other person isn't ready for that. It adds needless emotional bulk AND makes them think it's really over.  

      After all, if he decides he's lonely when he gets home, all he has to do is move back to America, which is a pain but not necessarily impossible. Keep it light and happy. Act like you haven't even noticed he's leaving and definitely take him to the airport or whatever if that's on the table, but keep the drama to yourself. The future isn't as far from now as people tend to think-- especially when they fear loss.

      Her advice for herself here is pretty appropriate. I mean, she's planning on doing all the stuff I would recommend-- dating others, letting go and diluting his influence in his life.


      Above that, I'd suggest not trying to have any serious talks of any kind-- even when he goes. 

      People tend to get super dramatic in these kind of circumstances-- so they say things like "GOODBYE FOREVER, I'LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU" when the other person isn't ready for that. It adds needless emotional bulk AND makes them think it's really over.  

      After all, if he decides he's lonely when he gets home, all he has to do is move back to America, which is a pain but not necessarily impossible. Keep it light and happy. Act like you haven't even noticed he's leaving and definitely take him to the airport or whatever if that's on the table, but keep the drama to yourself. The future isn't as far from now as people tend to think-- especially when they fear loss.

      • Leah 94
        almost 2 years ago

        @Elizabeth Stone do you have guidance on the following: why is it some guys pretend to want something serious and then a few months in start to reveal they don't? 

        @Elizabeth Stone do you have guidance on the following: why is it some guys pretend to want something serious and then a few months in start to reveal they don't? 

        • Leah 94
          almost 2 years ago

          Is it just a tactic for them to rope more women in? What do you do if you sense you are in this situation? 

          Is it just a tactic for them to rope more women in? What do you do if you sense you are in this situation? 

      • Elizabeth Stone
        Elizabeth Stone Founder and CEO of AttractTheOne.com
        almost 2 years ago

        *diluting his influence in HER life

        *diluting his influence in HER life

  • Rebel93
    Rebel93 Living it up.
    almost 2 years ago

    @Julz Gates 2 you nailed it. You nailed something i wish i would have learned years ago. To learn to let go and not force a relationship that is not meant to be and to be at peace with where the relationship is or goes

    @Julz Gates 2 you nailed it. You nailed something i wish i would have learned years ago. To learn to let go and not force a relationship that is not meant to be and to be at peace with where the relationship is or goes


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