We all want our holidays to be happy and filled with lots of cheer. That said, holidays can be notorious stressors when it comes to interacting with loved ones, especially those closest to us.
Drama is when you avoid a colleague you don’t want to talk to at the holiday party after you find out they trash-talked you to your boss. It’s when you ignore your sister at your own holiday party because you can’t accept that she cheated on her husband and left him. It’s your ongoing battles with your spouse over finances and holiday shopping. It’s the way you escape into Facebook and other distractions on your phone so you won’t have to interact with anyone. And — wait for it — it’s all the angst you feel when you’re giving more in a relationship than the other person, when it always seems to be that way.
Drama doesn’t feel very funny or silly when you’re the one caught in its grip, does it? When you find yourself acting out your own drama, or being entangled in someone else’s, it feels very real, and the effects are toxic, even painful. We all say we want less drama in our lives, but how many of us are actually able to identify when we are participating in drama and make a different choice? Here are some strategies for reducing drama so we can all have a happier holiday season.
1. Show up differently. You know which person in your family tends to trigger unhappiness or negative reactions in you. It’s probably been this way for some time. How about giving the situation a new approach? We’ve all heard the following phrase countless times: “You can’t change someone; you can only change how you respond to them.” This season, try not engaging with them as much. Perhaps don’t sit next to them at dinner when you know they’re going to say or mutter something unpleasant. Perhaps decide you’re only going to stay for a couple hours instead of all day, or only go over for dessert and not a full meal. You can still be kind and bless them, but there’s no reason to feel guilty about limiting your interaction with them. You deserve to be happy during the holidays.
2. Get out of the house. Many times during the holidays — especially if we’ve traveled for the visit — we’re on top of each other in one house that’s bursting at the seams. When you feel like you’re becoming weighed down by old feelings and family patterns, get out for a while. Take a walk. Offer to go to the store. In so-called tight-knit families, taking a walk by yourself can be considered weird by some family members, but that’s their story. Creating space for yourself can alleviate internal pressures that might otherwise blow; that space will not only make you happier, it will also give others permission to take a time out for themselves should they need it.
3. Share how you feel. If there is a loved one who you feel is picking on you or engaging only in negativity with you, perhaps it’s time to express how you feel. After all, it’s only going to continue as the years go on, right? As goddess women, we want to use words that are loving and kind. We speak from our hearts. This holiday season, here are some examples of the kind of goddess-woman language you can try with your loved one should you feel called to speak your truth:
- I feel…
- That makes me feel like…
- What I think I hear you saying is…
- This is hard for me to say, but I’d like to share [X] with you.
- I’m not sure how to say this.
- I want to share with you.
- I want you to share with me.
- Can we be totally honest here?
- This doesn’t feel very loving or kind to me.
- I want to understand.
- My feelings are my responsibility.
- I take responsibility for my part in [X].
We can never know how anyone is going to respond to how we feel. All we can do is choose to be loving to ourselves by sharing our feelings. You never know. Perhaps you’ll have a holiday miracle and a relationship that had been rocky will be transformed. And wouldn’t that be worth giving something different a try?
About the Author: International bestselling author Ava Miles calls herself a divine rockstar — something she believes everyone is deep down. Her all-new book series, “The Goddess Guides to Being A Woman,” invites us all to reimagine what it means to be a modern woman — on our own terms. Join Ava in letting the brilliance of your true goddess nature — and that of all the girls and women in your life — shine through. For more information, visit www.AvaMiles.com.
International bestselling author Ava Miles calls herself a divine rockstar—something she believes everyone is deep down. Her all-new book series, “The Goddess Guides to Being A Woman,” invites us all to reimagine what it means to be a modern woman—on our own terms. Join Ava in letting the [...]