• In response to Aziz Ansari by indigojonesnycJanuary 16, 2018
    Sometimes calling 911 immediately is what should have happened...I know I didn't....because I did not want to believe I was ruffied and raped, yes raped, even if I enjoyed it because I was drugged. I was consenting to sex because I was drugged but I never said no. Actually I wish I could have said no because I never would have had sex with that man but I was in a social position with him which gave me a level of trust that he would keep me safe. He was a worker who worked for me and to make a long story short, I paid him to take me out and watch my back while I danced, watch my drink, drive me there and back but not sex, just someone to let me let go without worrying about being harmed by a stranger. The man who I hired to work for me not only as a construction worker asked me if I wanted to go out and I said no but agreed that he could take me to a very popular bar just to drive me there, watch my back and drive me home. I wanted to dance but not with him. I wanted to be out on a date but not with him. So I settled for what I thought was a safe excursion to Palm Beach. I had actually paid him a lot of money, 400 hundred USD to do sort of be my bodyguard which he implied that he understood was the deal. He planned it all. He put date rape drugs in my drink when I wasn't watching because he was supposed to protect me. He was a predator not an escort. I would have been safer with a real professional escort. So is it rape if you don't say yes or can't say no?????? Because of prescription limitations, the failure to report works against you. Can I ever report a rape now? Yes but proving it and getting someone charged and found guilty of rape is the legal process that I should have followed then. To try someone in public opinion about events that were not reported to LE.......not too good for the stigma that still lives on in your head. I know how she feels. However what I read is that he backed off and came in with a different level of sexual act....if you say no to a kiss, you are definitely not going to appreciate being fingered...nor will you want to give a guy a bj so this brings you to the sensitive discussion of why did you perform certain acts which can be interpreted as consent? Because you had no choice. 
  • In response to Aziz Ansari by indigojonesnycJanuary 16, 2018
    Seriously? I wouldn't want to be a man right now.
  • In response to Aziz Ansari by indigojonesnycJanuary 15, 2018
    well said
  • In response to Aziz Ansari by indigojonesnycJanuary 15, 2018
    There is a risk of the sport to going to a man's apartment. It does not give a man permission to rape but the risk is elevated since there is the implication that a woman goes to a man's apartment knowing there will be an element of privacy in that it is not a public place. It happened to me. I was able to fend off the rape. I did not give non verbal cues. I made it clear that I was not interested in nor was I consenting to being raped so I was able to scare the man into realizing that his claim that he was going into diabetic shock and needed to be home so his sister could administer his insulin was his plan to lure me into his home. I studied with him so I saw him every day. I thought he was my friend. I should have just said no, I will call 911 for you but I was YOUNG AND NAIVE.  So. Rule number one. A silent no is not enough. Non verbal cues are not enough. A loud NO is enough. Then you get up and leave. Otherwise you are victimizing yourself by putting yourself into a situation in which you can be raped. Who cares if you are right or dead right. You are the only one who pays for this mess even if you thought you might want to be there and enjoy some affection. Don't be NAIVE. Even at 57 I was in another situation in which I was date raped. I can tell you a hundred times not to go to a man's apartment or bring him to yours.....it doesn't work.....because somewhere inside our fantasyland head we ignore danger signals. Someone who listens to your non verbal cues is listening to you because they care. Then they stop. Then you have a choice to leave or stay. At each junction, thoughtful assessment of the risk is needed but we are relaxed, we are happy, we are not alert or we just want to go with the flow until we have no power in a situation. Sometimes you die. Just a little inside or you are killed. STAY OUT OF A MAN'S APARTMENT! DON'T LET MEN INTO YOUR APARTMENT! There I said it. Would it have made a difference if someone warned me? Not much. We don't see criminal intent because we are not criminals. So this guy is guilty of going past the consent to non consent, the minute there is a cue, he must ask, are you okay? Should we stop? Sorry this happens all the time and women wind up regretting that they had sex with someone they did not want to have sex with.    
  • In response to What is your New Year’s Resolution? by Raha AJanuary 02, 2018
    Repeat 2007-2016....lose 40 pounds without medical cause and run for President.

  • In response to How to Meditate: Simple Meditation for Beginners by Devin C. HughesDecember 09, 2017
    I took the TM Transcendental Meditation training and now CI Creative Intelligence course. Great investment in one's self. Benefits are boundless. 
  • In response to How to Meditate: Simple Meditation for Beginners by Devin C. HughesDecember 09, 2017
    I took the TM Transcendental Meditation training and now CI Creative Intelligence course. Great investment in one's self. Benefits are boundless. 
  • In response to How to Meditate: Simple Meditation for Beginners by Devin C. HughesDecember 09, 2017
    I took the TM Transcendental Meditation training and now CI Creative Intelligence course. Great investment in one's self. Benefits are boundless. 
  • In response to Polytechnique massacre remembered in Montreal by Michelle Daines 5December 07, 2017
    And as the snow suddenly softly fell you could see diamonds in the beams shining into the night....they died because they were girls....studying engineering.
  • In response to Are people surprised about Matt Lauer or No? by Maddy BernsteinNovember 30, 2017
    Hi Bethany,

    My reaction? What took so long? There had been previous public discussions of his marital problems but now there are public accusations of what were previously rumors of inappropriate non consensual sexual transactions at work. Sex is sometimes a transaction. You give sex for love, men give love for sex. That is not illegal and does not violate any laws but it does not belong in a workplace. Sex can be bought or sold for a price by two consenting adults, again not always a crime. At work, especially when there is an imbalance in power, attempts to transact for sex can be oppressive and  should not be accepted. If there is verbal or physical violence, inebriation or drugging, there is again an inability to consent. So when one person imposes their sexual will on another, at work, whether intentional or not, it is a crime, whether it is comments, gestures, demands or overt sexual signals, insults or sexual gossip creating a sexual mess at work. Unlike others public cases that go back decades, when the sexual climate was different, these are based on recent behavior that involved victimization of a woman/women who was/were with him in a subservient position in the work place here or abroad. At work women deserve, expect and demand a safe environment where their workplace identity and expression of that identity is unencumbered by distraction because someone else is imposing their sexual desires or needs on them or around them. When women are oppressed at work because they are uncomfortable with advances to them, sexual activity around them that is offensive to them or just inappropriate activity that belongs in a suburban bedroom...... then they have a right to demand compensation, the end of the activity and career redress. Where a boss demoted them or made them lose benefits or advantages to another who supplied a sexual act that created an advantage for another based on sexual behavior, there can be harassment, discrimination and an unsafe or hostile work environment. Usually these matters are handled by HR. The trick is when someone is already fired for objecting to or refusing to cooperate with whatever is being imposed on them, it is too late to handle it internally and it becomes something to litigate in the public eye unless a settlement and a non disclosure agreement lead the matter out of court and into the private agreement domain. The more we settle, the more we will still find that behavior. Most women don't have the means or the money to fight so they just leave the place of employment. The most dangerous consequence is long term damage to the morale, emotional well being and career for the victim. Even passive victimization makes us leave a career path for another safer workplace. Safer is not safe. This is a good time to make our workplace safe so that we can perform our duties at our best, without fear or anger or other emotional distractions from our productivity. What better time than this to unite in one voice worldwide and say enough is enough.