“Forever alone” is such a daunting phrase, isn’t it? Sure, it’s thrown around occasionally as a joke (because everyone knows you’ll find someone eventually, right?) but it can quickly send you into a frenzy to find “The One”. We all know that process just can’t be rushed (otherwise you might settle for a d-bag), so here is a list of some of our favorite products, rated from crazy to cool, for the “forever alone” (or “temporarily single”, as we’d like to rebrand it) that’ll help you keep your cool and satisfy your need for affection (however fake it may be) while you await your happily ever after.
1. The Selfie Arm- Cool
This spin-off of the newly-popular “Selfie stick” is just a prototype right now, but we can see this actually blowing up. The actual arm itself might need a few improvements, but otherwise, it looks like the perfect excuse for a whole selfie photoshoot. Giving a whole new meaning to fake candids!
2. iPhone Hand Case- Crazy
I’d like to compare this to waking up in the middle of the night with one arm completely asleep, and upon touching it, you suddenly think a stranger has climbed into bed with you. Of course, there’s only that one split second of fear, but can you imagine coming into contact with foreign fingers every time you reach into your back pocket? I’d take my chances without a case.
3. Boyfriend Pillow- Cool
Sure, he’s got an unrealistically large bicep, impossibly bent elbow, and is apparently sleeping in a dress shirt, but what’s not to love? He’s soft, won’t move in the middle of the night, and has no mouth, so you don’t have to worry about snoring.
4. Girlfriend Leg Pillow- Crazy
Does this really need an explanation? The fact that they suggest using this as a neck pillow alone is extremely strange. To each his own, I guess.
5. Ex-Boyfriend Punching Bag- Cool
It may seem like just a regular punching bag, but it’s actually got an insertable area for pictures, so now you can get fit, release anger, and get revenge on your ex without the repercussions. If you’re not all that into this design, we strongly suggest a Bozo the Clown Punching bag instead- he’ll also bear a close resemblance to your ex.
So there you have it. No need to settle with a d-bag with these products here to make your temporary singledom a walk in the park.
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