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WhydoYouKeepAttractingtheWrongPeopletoDate?

Dear Sybersue
Dear Sybersue Dating/Relationship Coach, Talk Show Host, Author & Advice Columnist
8d Vancouver, BC, Canada Story
Why do You Keep Attracting the Wrong People to Date?

Social media and computer dating is becoming the norm with how we interact these days. People are lonelier than ever because of how some of these websites seem to attract superficial men and women who are just out to play games. 

There are some happy endings with online dating, but there seems to be so many more stories of people who keep enticing a certain "unfavorable type” ~ which continually puts them back out once again into the dating pool!

If you are one of these people who keep repeating this dating faux pas, you are doing something to attract them towards you. Regardless of whether you believe in The Law of Attraction, there is something to it!  Negativity attracts negativity.

Everyone is entitled to having love in their life but if you are constantly finding yourself in the same unfulfilling dating pattern, how is it beneficial in the long run?

There are many women who only meet "bad boys" because they are allowing them to keep coming into their life. For some reason they think it is exciting to be treated like crap. There are also men that only meet pretentious, materialistic hot women, because they are choosing “her looks” as the top priority.

The end result; both sexes are constantly complaining about each other when they should really be looking in the mirror at themselves!

Going for the same "repetitive brand" which keeps backfiring into a non-existent love life, takes years for some people to figure out. "Changing your mindset will change who you meet.” As simple as that sounds it seems to be the biggest mistake men and women repeatedly make.

Why is that?

Many people react out of anger when something happens that is an unrewarding occurrence in their life. This continues the repetitive cycle because they don’t understand that they are in denial of their own actions.

When a person becomes angry about the same thing over and over again wouldn’t it make sense to investigate why it is affecting them to that level? 

I see it all the time on the comment section under some YouTube videos. So many people continually vent their frustrations about the same subject, rather than learn how to deal with why it bothers them so much.

This is especially true regarding men and women in the dating market. If something isn’t working, isn’t it a good idea to fix it rather than bitching about it to anyone who will listen?

No one wants to hear it except for a few others who are also angry about the same thing!

Misery loves company and saying that, I rest my case...negativity attracts more negativity. Is it really easier to constantly complain about the things that cause drama in your life, than to find a solution that betters your world?

We are all guilty of sounding like a broken record at some point in our lives but the people who quickly understand how dangerously annoying this becomes, are the ones who move on to find happiness.

If your love-life sucks, be honest about the part you play in it.

I can’t stress enough that we are all in charge of how our lives evolve and that ultimately the choices we make are ours. Yes, we all land in the school of hard knocks while finding out who we are, but the sooner you learn and own the lesson, the faster you move on to a healthier foundation.

So stop repeating the same old story and quit talking about what you don’t want in your life. Talk about a future relationship as you if you had won a lottery! Think about all those wonderful things you would be able to do and how positive you would feel with less stress and more optimism in your life.

Thinking happy thoughts, keeping hope alive and believing you deserve that good things can happen for you, helps put out positive vibrations that eventually boomerang back towards you. 

There is enough love out there for everyone and you deserve it just as much as anyone else does. You don’t ever have to settle for an unhealthy situation so quit allowing yourself to choose them. <3

Susan McCord @ Sybersue Blogs & Advice Column     The Dear Sybersue Advice Show


3 replies

  • sandy w.
    7d ago

    @Dear Sybersue I have a friend who is beyond picky when it comes to dating and I have no idea how to help her realize this. I tried to set her up with a friend recently and it was an automatic no. I'm starting to think it's because of intimacy issues? Could that be the case of subconciously not wanting someone to get too close? 

    @Dear Sybersue I have a friend who is beyond picky when it comes to dating and I have no idea how to help her realize this. I tried to set her up with a friend recently and it was an automatic no. I'm starting to think it's because of intimacy issues? Could that be the case of subconciously not wanting someone to get too close? 

    • Dear Sybersue
      Dear Sybersue Dating/Relationship Coach, Talk Show Host, Author & Advice Columnist
      7d ago

      Hi Sandy, there can be so many things that come into play here. She could have some abandonment or deep emotional issues from childhood or a past relationship, it could be that she doesn't feel worthy of love due to self-esteem problems or maybe she just really is too picky! I know women who have had such a big checklist that they checked themselves right out of the dating pool because no guy was ever good enough. 


      There is usually an underlying demon that causes this though, but if she  isn't willing to"own it" or get some help to deal with the problem, it could be a very lonely existence for her long term. You're a good friend but you can't help her if she doesn't want to open up. I would stop trying to set her up and maybe one day she will communicate her feelings to you and to herself. 

      Hi Sandy, there can be so many things that come into play here. She could have some abandonment or deep emotional issues from childhood or a past relationship, it could be that she doesn't feel worthy of love due to self-esteem problems or maybe she just really is too picky! I know women who have had such a big checklist that they checked themselves right out of the dating pool because no guy was ever good enough. 


      There is usually an underlying demon that causes this though, but if she  isn't willing to"own it" or get some help to deal with the problem, it could be a very lonely existence for her long term. You're a good friend but you can't help her if she doesn't want to open up. I would stop trying to set her up and maybe one day she will communicate her feelings to you and to herself. 

      • Bethany Heinrich
        Bethany Heinrich Mogul Influencer
        7d ago

        I totally agree @Dear Sybersue the friend has to want to be ready to open up and you can't force it upon someone. 

        I totally agree @Dear Sybersue the friend has to want to be ready to open up and you can't force it upon someone. 


Dear Sybersue
Dating/Relationship Coach, Talk Show Host, Author & Advice Columnist

Susan McCord known as "Dear Sybersue" around the Web, helps men and women find love. As a mature women she has "been there done that" and has so many T-shirts she can open a store! Susan believes that we all have a story worth hearing and we are all special and deserving of happiness. People get [...]

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