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ThisIsWhatHappenedWhenIToldHimIDidn'tWantToHaveSex

This Is What Happened When I Told Him I Didn't Want To Have Sex

Want to read Mogul's bestselling book YOU ARE A MOGUL? It's now available here.


To the young man who told me not to apologize for not wanting to have sex with him: You give me hope.

It was half past midnight on a Friday night and we were half past naked. Hands were traveling on smooth skin and his facial hair tickled my neck. As I came up for air I told him, “I don’t think we should have sex yet.” He told me that was okay and then I whispered, “sorry” because despite the avid feminist that I am, years of living on planet Earth have taught me to apologize for not giving myself willingly to every man who shows a desire for me. He pulled away and looked at me seriously. “Don’t apologize,” he said with sincerity and conviction, holding my gaze to make sure I got the point. I knew as soon as I had said that words that they weren't necessary, knowing that my sexual agency is not something I need to feel bad about. 

This young man gave me hope for a world where girls never feel the need to apologize for not wanting to have sex. Where no one needs to apologize for not wanting to have sex. He gave me hope for a world free of victim blaming and shaming. Where a person’s blood alcohol content is not the equivalent of consent. Where a woman does not need to apologize to the man who bought her a drink at a bar, as he guilt trips her into coming home with him. Or the other way around.

He gave me hope for a world where people don’t slap my ass at a party because I’m wearing a tight dress. Where an outfit is not an invitation for sex no matter what I have on. Where the police won’t tell my friend that they won’t catch her attacker because she can’t remember what he looked like and maybe if she’d had one less drink they could but since she didn’t… Well, it’s all her fault they say as they turn her into another statistic.

He gave me hope for a world where we don’t teach children how not to get raped, but rather give lessons saying, “There is no sex without consent.” Where the pain and mistrust enveloping her violated body is more tragic than his prison sentence. Where “one in four” becomes “none in four.” A world where walking alone at night doesn’t automatically make me hold my keys between my fingers out of fear for what’s around the next corner.

He gave me hope that someday I won’t be writing words like these. Or if I am, they will all be in past tense. Hope for a world where one syllable doesn’t need justification. A world where everyone will feel safe in their skin, regardless of gender, race, or sexual orientation. He gave me hope for future generations, which will grow up understanding the word “respect.”


Want to read Mogul's bestselling book YOU ARE A MOGUL? It's now available here.


9 replies

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  • RobinToday
    4mo ago NY

    We can all learn from you! Thanks for having shared this story with us!

    We can all learn from you! Thanks for having shared this story with us!

  • Default
    Guest
    2y ago

    DR OGUDU SPELL TEMPLE love spell has huge powers! I cant believe what's happening to me! It's been only 4 days since he did that spell and VictorIA is already after me. Since the last 2 days she phoned at least 5 times. I believe she seems to realize her mistakes. It's absolutely happening as Dr OGUDU said!! Thank you! Your work is helping me so much… Without you I would feel so lonely and miserable... Thank you! (his email: DROGUDUTEMPLE@AOL.COM , if anyone needs his help)or you can check his website on www.drogudutemple.webs.com

    DR OGUDU SPELL TEMPLE love spell has huge powers! I cant believe what's happening to me! It's been only 4 days since he did that spell and VictorIA is already after me. Since the last 2 days she phoned at least 5 times. I believe she seems to realize her mistakes. It's absolutely happening as Dr OGUDU said!! Thank you! Your work is helping me so much… Without you I would feel so lonely and miserable... Thank you! (his email: DROGUDUTEMPLE@AOL.COM , if anyone needs his help)or you can check his website on www.drogudutemple.webs.com

  • Ldudette
    over 2 years ago midwest USA

    What amazing experience and amazing young man!

    What amazing experience and amazing young man!

  • Ruthie Angel
    Ruthie Angel ig and twitter: @ruchiebags
    over 3 years ago Philippines

    "He gave me hope for a world free of victim blaming and shaming. " Luv dis

    "He gave me hope for a world free of victim blaming and shaming. " Luv dis

  • Demi Chu
    Demi Chu n. Graphophile; Believer of the Tiny White Host
    over 3 years ago Philippines

    Faith in humanity restored 💕

    Faith in humanity restored 💕

  • Odd
    Odd
    almost 4 years ago

    You wanted to wait. In a perfect world, you shouldn't feel that obligation. But he was right to respect your choice.

    You wanted to wait. In a perfect world, you shouldn't feel that obligation. But he was right to respect your choice.

  • Jade Luong
    almost 4 years ago

    Thank you for sharing this story, it gave me hope too.

    Thank you for sharing this story, it gave me hope too.

  • PrincessSalome12
    [deleted]
    almost 4 years ago

    [deleted]

    [deleted]

  • Gigiueueuej
    [deleted]
    almost 4 years ago

    [deleted]

    [deleted]

    • Sarah Bevet
      almost 4 years ago

      Hi, thank you for reading my article! The point of the article was to say that this experience gave me hope because of how much respect I was treated with. However, I do understand that unfortunately people often feel coerced, pressured, or shamed into having sex. I hope that we someday live in a world where this does not happen.

      Hi, thank you for reading my article! The point of the article was to say that this experience gave me hope because of how much respect I was treated with. However, I do understand that unfortunately people often feel coerced, pressured, or shamed into having sex. I hope that we someday live in a world where this does not happen.

  • Sarah Bevet
    over 2 years ago

    Thank you for your kind words! They truly mean a lot :) 

    Thank you for your kind words! They truly mean a lot :) 


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