Imagine sitting on the beach on a beautiful sunny day. It’s you, alone, with the sounds of the waves around you. You listen as the seagulls sing above you, talking among each other on where to find their next meal. You close your eyes, breathe deeply and allow the sun to hit your face. Warming you, recharging you, and allowing you to release any stress that had been overwhelming you. Soon, you move towards the shore to feel the ocean water on your feet. You stand there, watching as the waves crash just a few feet in front of you, and then slowly roll over your feet: Nature showing you that it can be violent and soft in one fell swoop. You reach down to feel the sand, pulling a handful between your two palms.
Pinky to pinky, your hands cradle the damp sand, and, in that moment you try and hold on to the sand forever. Soon enough, the wet sand begins to seep between your thumbs, then your fingers, and your pile of sand slowly diminishes. Regardless of how hard you try and hold on, the sand still seeps through. Returning to the ocean, the place it belongs.
It’s the perfect moment, and one that you will not be able to physically re-create.
Moments with people are the same way. You can spend hundreds of hours with the same person, talking, touching, laughing, kissing, making love, and fighting; yet, no two moments have ever been exactly the same. This is a fact, and, yet, we still enroll in the ideology that when someone comes back into our lives, we can re-create the relationship we had before things went sour. We believe that second chances will make friendship stronger, relationships unbreakable. And, maybe we believe that a second chance is our way to fix what we broke in the past.
Don’t re-open doors and assume you’ll be the exception. When someone comes back into our lives, it’s easy to try and go back like nothing ever happened. We missed them, and, with time our mind heals all the messy hurt that caused you to separate in the first place.
Most of us re-open a door to a relationship only to be burned twice. We re-open the door, only to feel the pain of losing someone all over. Only this time, it’s much harder. Imagine losing the love of your life not once, but twice. Imagine re-connecting with your best friend, only for the same issues to resurface. It’s like trying to hold onto a pile of sand. Although lush in the beginning, eventually, the pile begins to seep through our hands: Never really ours to begin with.
If you’re willing to re-open the door for a second chance, you must be sure both of you are willing to make the changes necessary. Second chances can work, and, while people do deserve a second chance, it must be because you’re both willing to change. However, it doesn’t come easy. It’s pain, it’s space, it’s tears, and eventually it can be the happiest feeling in the world.