I’ve got a bone to pick with you.
I’m sick and tired of reading articles and posts on my feeds about how to get through the holidays without a partner on your arm. You’re single-shaming millions out there, and frankly, I don’t appreciate it.
I’m sure you’re aware that 64% of millenials were single in 2014. A woman embracing her singleness is the new trend nowadays.
So why is it that ever since the holiday season began, all of a sudden women should feel panicked for attending family functions solo?
I’m here to tell you, Society, that flying solo for the holidays (as well as the rest of the year) is fucking great.
I’m a third year university student which means that my winter break is 21 days at most. That means I get a full three weeks to spend with my parents, sister, one cousin and four dogs. Not to mention, indulging in my own down time after writing twenty papers this past semester. Dividing up that time is hard enough as it is, let alone factoring in spending time with a partner and their family.
(Side note: to all my close friends and to those in healthy and loving relationships, I support your decisions and relationships a thousand percent.)
What I’m saying is that I would very much like to indulge in novels, wine and seasons of Grey’s Anatomy and How to Get Away with Murder by myself. I don’t want to give up my time in Shondaland to bake cookies with my boyfriend’s family. I certainly don’t want to sacrifice my afternoon cat naps to spend time with in-laws I probably don’t even like. I want to watch eight episodes of Grey’s in a row without interruption, thank you very much. I want to finish an entire bottle of wine by myself because wine is the drink of the gods, not because I want to forget how much I miss my significant other while he is across the province with family. I want to eat too many Ferrero Rochers without worrying about how much weight I gained, and if my partner will notice the next time we bang.
On Christmas morning, I really want to be present with my family instead of wondering how my S.O.’s morning is. For fuck sakes, I want to do things for me this holiday season and enjoy being with my family. These experiences are different when you’re in a relationship—especially when you are missing your partner the entire time. I don’t see why it’s so shameful to admit to that aunt you see once a year that yes, you are indeed single. First of all, why do the opinions of your random relatives matter? Second, why should you feel guilty for choosing to come to Christmas dinner solo instead of bringing that guy you sometimes bang at 3am?
At this point, my horse Rodney is the only guy in my life, and I love it that way.
My winter break consisting of reading novels cover to cover in a day, drinking apple cider and playing Scattegories till two in the morning with my sister would all be different if a S.O. were in my life. I was there before, and did that a few times. And you know what? It sucked. I didn’t like it with either boyfriend. I spent my entire breaks missing my boyfriends who were on vacation in a different country, or spending time with family in another province. I spent too much time on my phone and having late night calls to really be there with my own family. Not only was it unpleasant for me, but it also caused tension with my family. Now, maybe it was awful because they weren’t the guys for me. Or maybe it’s because it’s fucking splendid being single. Period.
According to you, Society, it’s perfectly acceptable for me to single all year round except for the holidays. Well, you’re wrong. And I don’t appreciate my life choices being shamed because the idea of a New Year’s Eve without a kiss is so horrifying to you. On behalf of myself and all single women out there, please stop shaming us for being single. Have you ever considered the idea that maybe we enjoy being single?
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have champagne waiting and my dog to kiss at midnight.
Sincerely, an immensely happy, single twenty-something woman
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Rachel is a university student and writer currently studying at Queen’s University with a major in Gender Studies. Her personal blog is called "Horses, Dating and Wine: Twenty Something Life." She loves getting ice cream and wandering downtown Kingston, but she’d really rather be at the barn [...]