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Idon'tneedtodefinemysexuality

Corrine McMaster
5d Ourense, Spain Story
I don't need to define my sexuality

This morning
I woke up
Next to a beautiful woman
Her hair was in my face
Our clothes on the floor
Love
Leaked out of her lips
And into my skin
After,
She sat in my chair
My special yellow chair
With a hot cup of tea
In one hand
And a look of contentment
Upon her face
And I couldn't help
But remember
Our second date
When she knocked on my door
And when I'd opened
And saw her there
Wearing a red shirt
With pearls in her ears
She looked so beautiful
That I could hardly say a word
And back then
On that second date
When she had sat in my chair
My special yellow chair
I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that she is a woman
It seemed to carry
So much weight
Seemed to be
So relevant
Seemed to require
Defining
Labelling
Identifying
Defending?
Explaining
So I looked inside myself
And I asked
Which box do you fit inside?
How do you define your sexuality?

But all I know about my sexuality
Is that
It just is
Because this time last month
I was sitting
In the back seat of an uber
With a beautiful man
He had long
Luscious
Red hair
And for reasons that I can't explain
The moment
When he pressed his fingers
Into my mouth
Felt so vivid
Felt so erotic
That even now
My cheeks flush
Every single time
Somebody
With hair as red as his
Passes me on the street

I shared a primal experience with a man
But the fact that he is a man
Should not be relevant,
No?
It was a person with whom I shared a primal encounter
That he is a man
Means as little or as much as I allow it to mean

And all I know about my sexuality
Is that
It just is
Because I still recall
With infinite tenderness
The moment
I watched from the shore
As my lover
Emerged from the ocean
His skin dripping wet
His scars glistening
In the moonlight
And there was just
Something
Hauntingly beautiful
Something
Achingly vulnerable
About the way
He carried himself
The way
He forgave himself
Enough
To be so free
So uninhibited

I shared an intimate experience with a man
But the fact that he is a man
Should not be relevant,
No?
It was a person with whom I shared an intimate encounter
That he is a man
Carries as little or as much weight as I allow it to carry

And all I know about my sexuality
Is that
It just is
Because one year ago
I ate breakfast
In bed
With the first woman
That ever romanced me
The first woman
That ever saw me naked
And I watched her
As she watched me
And the image of her
Sitting there
By the window
A cigarette
At her lips
All the while
Looking at me
With absolute hunger
And absolute lust
Will be embedded in my heart
Always

I shared a lustful experience with a woman
But the fact that she is a woman
Should not be relevant,
No?
It was a person with whom I shared a lustful encounter
That she is a woman is only as important as I let it be

And all I know about my sexuality
Is that
It just is
And all I know about love
Is that I am open to love
Whether it spills
From the lips of a man
Or the lips of a woman
All I know about lust
Is that I am open to lust
Whether the body
Pressed against mine
Belongs to a man
Or a woman
And all I know about relationships
Is that I am open
To relationships
With any person
Who can awaken both my body and my soul
Regardless of whether
That person
Is a man
Or a woman

All I know about my sexuality
Is that
It just is
And there was once a time
Where I felt
An overwhelming
Obligation
To define it
To label it
To identify it
To defend it
To explain it
But now
I am no longer obliged
Now
I am free from the shackles
That society placed
Around my ankles
But it was I holding the key
All along
And I don't have to put myself
Into a box
I don't have to put my sexuality
Into a box
It just
Is
It just is

This morning
I woke up next to a beautiful woman
Her hair was in my face
Our clothes on the floor
Love
Leaked out of my lips
And into her skin
After,
She sat in my chair
My special yellow chair
With a hot cup of tea
In one hand
And a look of contentment
Upon her face
And I realised then
How free I've become
Since that second date
Because this morning
As I looked at her
With such longing
The fact that she was a woman
Did not cross my mind at all


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22 year old Aussie currently living in Spain

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