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How To Budget Like It's No-One's Business

For those new uni students nervously waiting the start of the term on March 6th, I’m gonna give it to you straight. You’re no longer in the little league's kid. The safety of high school, your best friends and coming home to the parental units every day is behind you. You’re gonna have to deal. This time of your life is all about learning how to find yourself, make new friends, drink a shitload and learn how to fake adult in the real world like the rest of us shmucks.

There’s a lot rumours about what happens when you start university but I’m here to talk about one especially. And that’s the whole being a broke student thing. You’re not in Kansas anymore. Everything you heard is true AF. You’re going to be broke. You’re gonna more broke than you ever imagined. You’re gonna be so broke you’re going to consider doing terrible things for money such as babysitting children or something equally as disturbing.

Between university fees, drinking goon, uni night at the pub, and the hangover food that comes with it, you’re gonna be scraping through at the best of times. But never fear, I’ve got the best frugal tips for you to help you survive student life and you're university days.

• Instead of finding accommodation find someone clean looking and put together in one of your lectures. Follow them home. Wait in their bushes until they slack off and leave the door open. Sneak a key off their key-ring. You now live in their roof. Free accommodation amirite?

• Alternatively, if you really wish to waste your money on rent, get a share house. Sublet your closet as a room within a room. Sell it as quaint and cozy. Trap the person into a bullet-proof contract. You now have your rent paid for you.

• Why grocery shop when there are far cheaper alternatives? Wait until your flatmates finish their dinner and put it back in the fridge as leftovers. Eat those. Invest in a rat. Let it loose in your house. Blame it for all the food being eaten. Sorry pet rat, but you gotta take one for the team.

• Instead of spending money on flushing your toilet, urinate in jars. Apparently, this will save you a WHOLE GODDAMN TWO DOLLARS A MONTH. It all counts. Empty them in the garden once a week.

• If you want to feel fancy and dine on a restaurant meal, just dumpster dump behind your favourite restaurants. If they have big serves half of the meals won’t be eaten anyway. Non-student types are so wasteful.

• Ever need a present for someone? Flowers are pretty much the go-to present for anything. Hit your local cemetery. From artificial flowers, real flowers to other arts and crafts cemeteries are a gold mine of free stuff just sitting around.

• Recycle everything. From paper towels to dental floss to toilet paper and even condoms. Anything that won’t disintegrate during the first use, can always be used again.

• Just go clothes line shopping when you need new outfits. People who are irresponsible enough to just leave their clothes out for anyone to take are the sort of people that deserve to get their clothes taken off them.

Ok if these options are as ridiculous as they sound why not look at getting a part-time job instead? GradAustralia offer the best graduate jobs, internships & graduate programs in Australia and have the leading graduate employers and careers advice in one location.

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