Feel like you’ve been searching far and wide but haven’t had any success in finding “the one”? Tired of feeling like your person just might not exist? News flash: you’re not alone! And you won’t be using #foreveralone forever. But let’s be real, you could probably improve the way you’re going about meeting your dream guy/girl. Here are 10 Ways You’re Stopping Yourself From Meeting The One:
1. You’re not making any time to date.
How are you going to meet him/her if you’re not making it a priority in your life?
2. Your expectations are WAY too high – read: impossible.
Nobody is perfect. Make a list of non-negotiables — characteristics that you can’t live without in a partner, but remember that everyone has flaws, including you. It’s okay, even IMPORTANT to have high standards, but make sure your standards aren’t impossible to meet. Keep your list of non-negotiables someplace where you can review them semi-frequently. Make a list of “nice to haves” too — things that are not “required” but would be nice to have in a partner.
3. You haven’t done enough soul searching, so you don’t know what you want/need in a partner.
If you don’t know yourself well enough, you won’t know what your non-negotiables and nice to haves are.
4. You won’t even try online dating.
I met my significant other online. I was skeptical of the process at first, but here we are three years later!* It’s not for everyone, but at least give it a try. Protip: if there are certain characteristics that are non-negotiables for you, i.e. you want to date a Christian, try a Christian dating website and save yourself a lot of wasted time. Protip #2: Text at least one friend the name of the person you’re meeting, location, day and time for safety precautions.
5. Your idea of a relationship watering hole is a bar. (Hint: it’s probably not.)
Some people meet their significant others at a bar and that is totally fine. No judgment. But at least in LA I do not know that many people who go to bars looking for the love of their life. They typically are hanging out with friends (and are not even open to meeting new people,) or are looking for some casual fun.
6. You aren’t investing in dating or the idea that you are a hot catch.
You need to invest in yourself first before you can expect someone else to invest in you. Enough said. Two books that helped me in my very early twenties after I graduated college and went through a devastating breakup are Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man by Steve Harvey and Why Men Love Bitches by Sherry Argov.
7. You refuse to get set up.
If your friends or parents have someone they think you’d be great with, don’t shy away from that! I know it might get annoying if you’ve been set up a ton before and you feel like you’re “the single friend everyone wants to set up.” Maybe you’ve heard “I have someone GREAT for you to meet — you’ll be perfect together!” one too many times. If that’s the case, show your match making friend or family member your list of non-negotiables and nice to haves. That way they won’t waste your time or the other person’s if they clearly don’t meet the items on your list.
8. You don’t have any hobbies.
You need to have things that you like to do, for you.
9. You have too many hobbies (see #1)
If you have too many hobbies, you won’t be creating space to date. If you don’t create space to meet someone, how do you expect to find him or her?
10. You’ve never been to therapy and you’ll never go, either.
Therapy in the traditional sense is not for everyone. My personal belief is that it can be vital in figuring out who you are and what is important to you. Maybe your therapy is yoga or walking your dog. If you have that thing in your life that allows you to reflect, learn from past mistakes, see yourself and your goals, and really know what you desire in a partner, then that counts. The real deal might not hurt either, especially if you meet with a therapist you really connect with. That is key.
*edit: four years later, and we're engaged!