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Mymom'snegativeexperienceswithlove&disappointmentareimpactingme.WhatdoIdo?HowdoIhandlethis?

WallFlower
over 1 year Conversation

I love my mom so much, but sometimes with love, I feel like her experiences with it are impacting me. Like, it's making me feel like nothing works out in relationships, because of the tone in her voice. Like, she doesn't expect it for me, or expects my relationships to end.

It's not out of hate she does this, but I think subconciously because she's dealt with disappointment in this area.

What do I do? 

5 replies

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  • Elizabeth Stone
    Elizabeth Stone Founder and CEO of AttractTheOne.com
    over 1 year ago

    Surround yourself with the opposite view and understand that bitterness is a cancer that spreads. Catch yourself when you say negative things about relationships, or your own experiences in them. Find people say they are happy in their relationships, ask them about the subject and find out what they do to make it work. Demystifying the unknown makes it less scary.


    Also, remember that every single relationship eventually ends in the way you understand it now-- either in dissolution or death. So you can't take it with you anyway. If you want to reframe your mother's negativity, think that on a long enough timeline, it does all dissolve. But that doesn't mean you can't enjoy everyone you meet in the present. Failure is life's greatest teacher.

    Surround yourself with the opposite view and understand that bitterness is a cancer that spreads. Catch yourself when you say negative things about relationships, or your own experiences in them. Find people say they are happy in their relationships, ask them about the subject and find out what they do to make it work. Demystifying the unknown makes it less scary.


    Also, remember that every single relationship eventually ends in the way you understand it now-- either in dissolution or death. So you can't take it with you anyway. If you want to reframe your mother's negativity, think that on a long enough timeline, it does all dissolve. But that doesn't mean you can't enjoy everyone you meet in the present. Failure is life's greatest teacher.

  • Tiffany Pham
    Tiffany Pham Founder & CEO, Mogul
    over 1 year ago New York, NY, USA

    I would avoid talking to negative people about love issues if you want to hear positive or neutral words, since ultimately you know that the sentiments they will provide will be negative! Unless that's what you want to hear. Over time, I've learned that everyone thinks they have good intentions, but if they generally express themselves negatively, then that is what you are going to hear and will have to accept -- so best to avoid it if you don't want this!

    I would avoid talking to negative people about love issues if you want to hear positive or neutral words, since ultimately you know that the sentiments they will provide will be negative! Unless that's what you want to hear. Over time, I've learned that everyone thinks they have good intentions, but if they generally express themselves negatively, then that is what you are going to hear and will have to accept -- so best to avoid it if you don't want this!

  • kevin
    kevin Global Partnerships Lead
    over 1 year ago New York, NY, United States

    I'd definitely say I'm in a similar position. I feel like I used to take it harder than I do now because I've come to realize that each relationship is vastly different from another. They're really incomparable. My advice would be to focus harder on yourself and your own relationships rather than hers. Better yourself and find what you want in a significant other and things will inevitably fall in place. I know it's easier said than done but do you think that can be a feasible solution or path? @WallFlower 

    I'd definitely say I'm in a similar position. I feel like I used to take it harder than I do now because I've come to realize that each relationship is vastly different from another. They're really incomparable. My advice would be to focus harder on yourself and your own relationships rather than hers. Better yourself and find what you want in a significant other and things will inevitably fall in place. I know it's easier said than done but do you think that can be a feasible solution or path? @WallFlower 

  • Bethany Heinrich
    Bethany Heinrich Mogul Influencer
    over 1 year ago New York, NY, United States

    What would you all recommend @Elizabeth Stone @canwetalkqa @Maddi Burns @Abrikoss @Zoosk 

    What would you all recommend @Elizabeth Stone @canwetalkqa @Maddi Burns @Abrikoss @Zoosk 

  • Bethany Heinrich
    Bethany Heinrich Mogul Influencer
    over 1 year ago New York, NY, United States

    I would recommend not talking about that subject with her for a while. It sounds like you know it's not personal, and it's something where she might be trying to protect herself in case you do get hurt. So, perhaps just don't talk about that subject for a while.

    I would recommend not talking about that subject with her for a while. It sounds like you know it's not personal, and it's something where she might be trying to protect herself in case you do get hurt. So, perhaps just don't talk about that subject for a while.


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