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AskAMogulAnything:Hi,I'mJamesMichaelSama.I'marelationshipexpert.Mymission:tohelpwomenraisetheirstandardswhenitcomestodating.Askmeanythingyou'dlike!**YourquestionswillbeansweredLIVEThursday@12pmET**

James Michael Sama
James Michael Sama Relationship Expert

**Your questions will be answered Thursday, October 6th at 12 pm ET. To ask a question, click here to create a Mogul profile, then post a question in the comment section below!**

Hi - I'm James Michael Sama. 

I'm a nationally recognized writer and speaker who frequently appears in media outlets such as The Huffington Post, CNBC, Bravo, The New York Post, and more. My website, JamesMSama.com, has generated over 36 million pageviews in just 3 years, and I have amassed a social media following of over 250,000 people.

My mission is to bring romance and dignity back to dating, while helping men and women raise their standards and find higher quality, happier relationships. It can be done! 

Some more information about me: I get 5 shots of espresso in my coffee every time I go to Starbucks. (The barista always looks at me like I'm insane). I never actually tasted alcohol until I was 21. It started off as just following the rules but the older I got, the more it became a personal challenge. I've made up for it in the decade since then. And my biggest fears are losing the ones I love and living a life that becomes forgotten. I have always been fascinated with ancient cultures and their obsessions with being remembered as heroes or legends. I want to leave a mark on the world and people's lives - to make a real, positive, genuine difference.

Now's your chance to ask me anything! Please write your questions in the comments section below and I'll answer the questions live on Thursday, October 6th at 12 pm ET. 

It's all part of Mogul's new interactive Q &A series, Ask A Mogul Anything. 

Come on and ask me *anything* ... about finding a partner that doesn't cause you to lower any standards... building a business and a social media following... and growing a relationship built on dignity and respect.

32 replies

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  • James Michael Sama
    James Michael Sama Relationship Expert
    3y ago

    Hey all! We've unfortunately reached the end of our hour here, but thank you all so much for being part of this amazing conversation! If you want to stay in touch, please find me at: http://www.Facebook.com/JamesMSama , http://www.Twitter.com/JamesMSama , http://www.Instagram.com/JamesMSama , and http://www.JamesMSama.com. Thanks so much again! - JMS

    Hey all! We've unfortunately reached the end of our hour here, but thank you all so much for being part of this amazing conversation! If you want to stay in touch, please find me at: http://www.Facebook.com/JamesMSama , http://www.Twitter.com/JamesMSama , http://www.Instagram.com/JamesMSama , and http://www.JamesMSama.com. Thanks so much again! - JMS

  • Tiffany Pham
    Tiffany Pham Founder & CEO, Mogul
    3y ago New York, NY, USA

    What an honor to have you on here, James. Thank you. What do you think of the book "Attached"? I recently began to read it after it was recommended to me by 4 different friends, from different walks of life. Do you agree with its theory that people can be segmented into: Secure, Anxious, or Avoidant? Would love your insights on the book, if you're familiar.

    What an honor to have you on here, James. Thank you. What do you think of the book "Attached"? I recently began to read it after it was recommended to me by 4 different friends, from different walks of life. Do you agree with its theory that people can be segmented into: Secure, Anxious, or Avoidant? Would love your insights on the book, if you're familiar.

    • James Michael Sama
      James Michael Sama Relationship Expert
      3y ago

      Hi Tiffany, the honor is mine! Thanks so much for having me! In terms of "Attached," I tend not to label people when it comes to relationships because every single one of us is so uniquely different and diverse. That being said, though, I think the book can provide an accurate summation of the way *most* people handle relationships and can help simplify the experience for us by learning about others and also ourselves. I've felt the same way about personality tests and the 5 Love Languages. While the premises are solid, I feel as though each of the classifications can overflow into another(s), or should require some sort of asterisk, because I don't think people can fit into a perfectly pre-defined mold. That being said, the book is written by people far more qualified than I am, so I could be all wet! Perhaps I'll pick up a copy. :) Thanks again for having me! - James

      Hi Tiffany, the honor is mine! Thanks so much for having me! In terms of "Attached," I tend not to label people when it comes to relationships because every single one of us is so uniquely different and diverse. That being said, though, I think the book can provide an accurate summation of the way *most* people handle relationships and can help simplify the experience for us by learning about others and also ourselves. I've felt the same way about personality tests and the 5 Love Languages. While the premises are solid, I feel as though each of the classifications can overflow into another(s), or should require some sort of asterisk, because I don't think people can fit into a perfectly pre-defined mold. That being said, the book is written by people far more qualified than I am, so I could be all wet! Perhaps I'll pick up a copy. :) Thanks again for having me! - James

  • Tiffany Pham
    [deleted]
    3y ago New York, NY, USA

    [deleted]

    [deleted]

  • James Michael Sama
    James Michael Sama Relationship Expert
    3y ago

    Hey everyone! James here - I'll be live answering your questions on this page for the next hour, I'll do my best to get to all of them and to answer the best I can. Thanks for being here!

    Hey everyone! James here - I'll be live answering your questions on this page for the next hour, I'll do my best to get to all of them and to answer the best I can. Thanks for being here!

  • Morgan S.
    3y ago

    I have a somewhat fragile question. I've just started seeing someone and don't know how to tell him I have HPV. I know like 50% of the population has it, sadly, but I don't know how to tell someone this without making them mad or like they want to run away. What do I do? Also, why are less people committing these days?

    I have a somewhat fragile question. I've just started seeing someone and don't know how to tell him I have HPV. I know like 50% of the population has it, sadly, but I don't know how to tell someone this without making them mad or like they want to run away. What do I do? Also, why are less people committing these days?

    • James Michael Sama
      James Michael Sama Relationship Expert
      3y ago

      Morgan - that is a tough one, but I will tell you this: If this person is really serious about staying with you, then he is going to have to weigh his feelings and make a decision accordingly. BELIEVE ME when I say, if he is really serious, it WILL NOT deter him. The best thing you can do is NOT wait until you're about to have sex, but find a quiet lul during conversation or when you two are hanging out ALONE, sit with him, and let him know there's something you need to tell him. Tell him you wouldn't feel right keeping it from him and that you respect whatever decision he makes with the new information. NO man should get mad at your honesty or the circumstances, it's not like this is something you chose. Furthermore, if he wants to run away because of this - LET HIM - because he's clearly not the type of man you could trust to stand by your side during life's difficulties. Now - am I saying that every guy who chooses to part ways after learning this is a bad guy? No, of course not. I'm just saying that the RIGHT guy for you will continue moving forward regardless. Best of luck to you in finding the happiness you deserve! - James

      Morgan - that is a tough one, but I will tell you this: If this person is really serious about staying with you, then he is going to have to weigh his feelings and make a decision accordingly. BELIEVE ME when I say, if he is really serious, it WILL NOT deter him. The best thing you can do is NOT wait until you're about to have sex, but find a quiet lul during conversation or when you two are hanging out ALONE, sit with him, and let him know there's something you need to tell him. Tell him you wouldn't feel right keeping it from him and that you respect whatever decision he makes with the new information. NO man should get mad at your honesty or the circumstances, it's not like this is something you chose. Furthermore, if he wants to run away because of this - LET HIM - because he's clearly not the type of man you could trust to stand by your side during life's difficulties. Now - am I saying that every guy who chooses to part ways after learning this is a bad guy? No, of course not. I'm just saying that the RIGHT guy for you will continue moving forward regardless. Best of luck to you in finding the happiness you deserve! - James

  • RockYourWorld
    3y ago

    What are the signs to watch for to tell if someone is married online? My friend saw her friend's husband on a site...scary.

    What are the signs to watch for to tell if someone is married online? My friend saw her friend's husband on a site...scary.

    • James Michael Sama
      James Michael Sama Relationship Expert
      3y ago

      Yikes, that's a tough one. Besides a wedding ring (which he'd have to be an idiot to wear in his photos), I'm really not sure if there's a way to tell someone is married by viewing their profile. I'd try to discern their status based on a conversation after you've already started talking. Maybe what town they live in (if they have a house in the suburbs, is it likely they're a single bachelor?) if they mention kids, etc. But that's a tough one, this is where we need to have faith in peoples' honesty, as hard as it is! - James

      Yikes, that's a tough one. Besides a wedding ring (which he'd have to be an idiot to wear in his photos), I'm really not sure if there's a way to tell someone is married by viewing their profile. I'd try to discern their status based on a conversation after you've already started talking. Maybe what town they live in (if they have a house in the suburbs, is it likely they're a single bachelor?) if they mention kids, etc. But that's a tough one, this is where we need to have faith in peoples' honesty, as hard as it is! - James

  • Default
    Guest
    3y ago

    Do you think media puts too much pressure on finding the one? It influences society to think there's something wrong with us if we are single, do you agree?

    Do you think media puts too much pressure on finding the one? It influences society to think there's something wrong with us if we are single, do you agree?

    • James Michael Sama
      James Michael Sama Relationship Expert
      3y ago

      Hey Natalie! Good question - I do feel as though there is a lot of pressure on us, and yes I do agree with you. Part of my mission with JamesMSama.com and also with RelationshipStandards.com, is to help people build SELF worth, and be happy whether or not they are in a relationship. The fact of the matter is that not every person who's single is lonely, and not every person who's in a relationship is happy or fulfilled. Just know that if you are single then there is nothing wrong with you - it's better to stay single and ONLY accept the right relationship, than it is to settle into all of the wrong ones along the way simply for the sake of being with someone. - James

      Hey Natalie! Good question - I do feel as though there is a lot of pressure on us, and yes I do agree with you. Part of my mission with JamesMSama.com and also with RelationshipStandards.com, is to help people build SELF worth, and be happy whether or not they are in a relationship. The fact of the matter is that not every person who's single is lonely, and not every person who's in a relationship is happy or fulfilled. Just know that if you are single then there is nothing wrong with you - it's better to stay single and ONLY accept the right relationship, than it is to settle into all of the wrong ones along the way simply for the sake of being with someone. - James

  • Default
    [deleted]
    3y ago

    [deleted]

    [deleted]

  • Default
    Guest
    3y ago

    I have the most awkward question and I feel bad asking it but I have to: What is the most polite way to ask a man on online dating what their height is? I know it shouldn't matter but I keep going on dates with these guys where they don't list their height. Some of them have been shorter than me and it throws me off because I'd like to meet someone who is at least my height or taller.

    I have the most awkward question and I feel bad asking it but I have to: What is the most polite way to ask a man on online dating what their height is? I know it shouldn't matter but I keep going on dates with these guys where they don't list their height. Some of them have been shorter than me and it throws me off because I'd like to meet someone who is at least my height or taller.

    • James Michael Sama
      James Michael Sama Relationship Expert
      3y ago

      Hey Bellos! This is great, ha! I think it's super helpful when women list their own height on online dating profiles because I have a hard time dating women taller than I am. I have seen a lot of women say something like "I'm 5'9" so please be tall :)" I think having a phrase like this in your dating profile will help weed out men "no pun intended" who are shorter than you are. I also think that in the age of online dating, people understand that not everything can be discovered in a profile, so some questions have to be asked. I would start by listing your height, and if you're concerned about how someone else may measure up (another pun), I would just come out and tell them that you prefer guys taller than you and you're X height, and just come out and ask. It's better than wasting time, effort, energy, and money on the wrong dates with the wrong guys. Hope this helps! - James

      Hey Bellos! This is great, ha! I think it's super helpful when women list their own height on online dating profiles because I have a hard time dating women taller than I am. I have seen a lot of women say something like "I'm 5'9" so please be tall :)" I think having a phrase like this in your dating profile will help weed out men "no pun intended" who are shorter than you are. I also think that in the age of online dating, people understand that not everything can be discovered in a profile, so some questions have to be asked. I would start by listing your height, and if you're concerned about how someone else may measure up (another pun), I would just come out and tell them that you prefer guys taller than you and you're X height, and just come out and ask. It's better than wasting time, effort, energy, and money on the wrong dates with the wrong guys. Hope this helps! - James

  • Maddy Bernstein

    What are the best ways to meet someone in New York? Do you have preferred bars you recommend to meet singles?

    What are the best ways to meet someone in New York? Do you have preferred bars you recommend to meet singles?

    • James Michael Sama
      James Michael Sama Relationship Expert
      3y ago

      Hi Maddy! Unfortunately I'm not in New York as often as I'd like to be (I'm based in Boston) so I wouldn't feel right recommending places to you that might not be the right choices. Sorry! - James

      Hi Maddy! Unfortunately I'm not in New York as often as I'd like to be (I'm based in Boston) so I wouldn't feel right recommending places to you that might not be the right choices. Sorry! - James

  • Default
    Guest
    3y ago

    Do you believe in soul mates or love at first site? Do you believe there has to be chemistry for a relationship to work or can it grow? I've heard both arguments but curious to hear your thoughts. I usually go on just 1 date with someone if there's no chemistry and only a second date if there's a spark.

    Do you believe in soul mates or love at first site? Do you believe there has to be chemistry for a relationship to work or can it grow? I've heard both arguments but curious to hear your thoughts. I usually go on just 1 date with someone if there's no chemistry and only a second date if there's a spark.

    • James Michael Sama
      James Michael Sama Relationship Expert
      3y ago

      Hi Erin! This is an interesting question. Funny enough I was visiting my parents this past weekend and we talked about soul mates, ha. In my personal opinion, no there is not a soul mate for each of us. If this were the case, that would mean there is only ONE person out of SEVEN BILLION who you're "supposed" to be with. That person could be in the middle of a small desolate town 5,000 miles away and you'd never find them. I believe that real, deep, lasting love is not just stumbled upon, but built off of a foundation of interest, attraction, and yes - chemistry. I do believe that it can grow, as you asked, but it cannot be built from absolute scratch. "Grow" is the key word. It can grow but it can't be created out of nowhere, there needs to be a foundation first. I also agree with your method of dating, which some people might give me flack for. Perhaps it's because I've had more than my share of experience, but I know VERY early on whether or not I want to spend more time with a woman, or simply move on. It's a difficult feeling to explain to someone who hasn't felt it, but you and I are on the same page. - James

      Hi Erin! This is an interesting question. Funny enough I was visiting my parents this past weekend and we talked about soul mates, ha. In my personal opinion, no there is not a soul mate for each of us. If this were the case, that would mean there is only ONE person out of SEVEN BILLION who you're "supposed" to be with. That person could be in the middle of a small desolate town 5,000 miles away and you'd never find them. I believe that real, deep, lasting love is not just stumbled upon, but built off of a foundation of interest, attraction, and yes - chemistry. I do believe that it can grow, as you asked, but it cannot be built from absolute scratch. "Grow" is the key word. It can grow but it can't be created out of nowhere, there needs to be a foundation first. I also agree with your method of dating, which some people might give me flack for. Perhaps it's because I've had more than my share of experience, but I know VERY early on whether or not I want to spend more time with a woman, or simply move on. It's a difficult feeling to explain to someone who hasn't felt it, but you and I are on the same page. - James

  • Lucy Chen
    3y ago Chicago, IL, United States

    Hi, what are the best cities to date do you think? Or does it matter? I hear large cities are the worst and that scares me.

    Hi, what are the best cities to date do you think? Or does it matter? I hear large cities are the worst and that scares me.

    • James Michael Sama
      James Michael Sama Relationship Expert
      3y ago

      Hi Lucy! That's a difficult question, but I know that living in Boston, I know dating here is really hard. People get into cliques and it's difficult to make new friends or expand your circles. It's also difficult to approach others because of the "Boston attitude." That being said, when I've visited California, any southern states, or even New York (I know - but seriously), I've found that people are much kinder and more approachable. I also find that suburbs are easier to meet new people than in the heart of the city. I'm not sure where you're from, but I'd suggest finding lower-key lounges or nice restaurants or social events in the suburbs outside of your city, and see how that goes for you! - James

      Hi Lucy! That's a difficult question, but I know that living in Boston, I know dating here is really hard. People get into cliques and it's difficult to make new friends or expand your circles. It's also difficult to approach others because of the "Boston attitude." That being said, when I've visited California, any southern states, or even New York (I know - but seriously), I've found that people are much kinder and more approachable. I also find that suburbs are easier to meet new people than in the heart of the city. I'm not sure where you're from, but I'd suggest finding lower-key lounges or nice restaurants or social events in the suburbs outside of your city, and see how that goes for you! - James

  • Sally22
    3y ago

    Hi James - I love that you want to bring dignity and romance back to dating. But in Tinder nation - it seems harder than ever. What do you think about Tinder? Do you think it's helped or hurt dating? Some think it's mostly helped guys - not women. What do you think?

    Hi James - I love that you want to bring dignity and romance back to dating. But in Tinder nation - it seems harder than ever. What do you think about Tinder? Do you think it's helped or hurt dating? Some think it's mostly helped guys - not women. What do you think?

    • James Michael Sama
      James Michael Sama Relationship Expert
      3y ago

      Hey Sally! Ha you're right, it does really seem like Tinder nation these days, and I agree that it's harder than ever. I'm not personally on Tinder but that's because I want to find a more solid, long term relationship. If I just wanted a fling, I'd join up. But I do think apps like Bumble and more in depth sites like Match can be effective because they don't have the same "hookup" stigma that Tinder does. I honestly think it has hurt dating because it dehumanizes people in a way. This person with decades of life experience, hopes, dreams, fears, emotions, and feelings - becomes a 2 second judgment of whether you want to swipe right or left. The only reason I can think that it helps guys more than women is that more guys are looking for a shorter term fling while women (typically) want something more solid. So, by default it simply fills the needs of guys more frequently. BUT - in my experience there still really are a lot of people out there who are craving something REAL, because as humans that's all we really want, and (most of the time) these apps don't provide it. So it's sort of like the club/bar scene: It's fun for awhile, but eventually we realize we're not going to find true happiness there, and we move on to something with more depth. Hope this helps! - James

      Hey Sally! Ha you're right, it does really seem like Tinder nation these days, and I agree that it's harder than ever. I'm not personally on Tinder but that's because I want to find a more solid, long term relationship. If I just wanted a fling, I'd join up. But I do think apps like Bumble and more in depth sites like Match can be effective because they don't have the same "hookup" stigma that Tinder does. I honestly think it has hurt dating because it dehumanizes people in a way. This person with decades of life experience, hopes, dreams, fears, emotions, and feelings - becomes a 2 second judgment of whether you want to swipe right or left. The only reason I can think that it helps guys more than women is that more guys are looking for a shorter term fling while women (typically) want something more solid. So, by default it simply fills the needs of guys more frequently. BUT - in my experience there still really are a lot of people out there who are craving something REAL, because as humans that's all we really want, and (most of the time) these apps don't provide it. So it's sort of like the club/bar scene: It's fun for awhile, but eventually we realize we're not going to find true happiness there, and we move on to something with more depth. Hope this helps! - James

  • miranda444
    3y ago

    Hi James - Great to have you here. You've built such an impressive brand and following. What's your advice to others about how to build their own personal brand and following? Any specific tips on how to grow a large social media following?

    Hi James - Great to have you here. You've built such an impressive brand and following. What's your advice to others about how to build their own personal brand and following? Any specific tips on how to grow a large social media following?

    • James Michael Sama
      James Michael Sama Relationship Expert
      3y ago

      Hi Miranda! Someone else asked a similar question so if it's okay with you I'm going to paste my answer to them into this answer for you. Hope this helps, here you go! One of the biggest things I tell people about building brands and "followings" for lack of a better term, is the absolute NEED to be authentic and emotionally relate-able. There is far too much click-baity nonsense floating around the internet these days that nobody can really connect with. You won't BELIEVE what happens next! Oh, really? Nobody is taking the time to really engage with their audiences, find out what they like/dislike, and provide content accordingly. I think of it like a clothing store - if you're going to open a clothing store, YOUR specific style of clothing may not sell the best. You've got to find out what your target demographic likes and provide what THEY want. So, I have really spent a lot of time with my finger on the pulse of my audience, learning, listening, and hearing their thoughts and ideas. I then respond accordingly in the most genuine way I can, and people respond well by sharing the hell out of the content. In terms of being on air, simple mass exposure did it. I've been contacted by multiple outlets both via email from JamesMSama.com and also through social media. Building the biggest audiences possible and reaching the most amount of people is key - but the most important part is doing it genuinely so you know that people are truly engaged and you don't have a million people on your page who don't even "like" your posts. Know what I mean?! Hope this helps! - James

      Hi Miranda! Someone else asked a similar question so if it's okay with you I'm going to paste my answer to them into this answer for you. Hope this helps, here you go! One of the biggest things I tell people about building brands and "followings" for lack of a better term, is the absolute NEED to be authentic and emotionally relate-able. There is far too much click-baity nonsense floating around the internet these days that nobody can really connect with. You won't BELIEVE what happens next! Oh, really? Nobody is taking the time to really engage with their audiences, find out what they like/dislike, and provide content accordingly. I think of it like a clothing store - if you're going to open a clothing store, YOUR specific style of clothing may not sell the best. You've got to find out what your target demographic likes and provide what THEY want. So, I have really spent a lot of time with my finger on the pulse of my audience, learning, listening, and hearing their thoughts and ideas. I then respond accordingly in the most genuine way I can, and people respond well by sharing the hell out of the content. In terms of being on air, simple mass exposure did it. I've been contacted by multiple outlets both via email from JamesMSama.com and also through social media. Building the biggest audiences possible and reaching the most amount of people is key - but the most important part is doing it genuinely so you know that people are truly engaged and you don't have a million people on your page who don't even "like" your posts. Know what I mean?! Hope this helps! - James

  • Kelly Hudson
    3y ago

    Why do men run away when they start to feel? I get calling it quits if there's no chemistry but what if there is and they still bounce to the next girl, never committing?

    Why do men run away when they start to feel? I get calling it quits if there's no chemistry but what if there is and they still bounce to the next girl, never committing?

    • Kelly Hudson
      3y ago

      And do you think exes can be friends?

      And do you think exes can be friends?

      • James Michael Sama
        James Michael Sama Relationship Expert
        3y ago

        Hey Kelly! First, let me start with the shorter answer. No, I don't think exes can be friends and I personally wouldn't want to be friends with an ex. Perhaps it's because guys have a more difficult time separating "just friends" than women do (ie., we can't do it at all), but I feel that if someone was going to be in my life in a romantic sense and it didn't work out, then I will respectfully end contact with that person and eventually move on with my life. The second (first) part of your question is more difficult. The answer is going to be different for everyone. Some men feel the need to reach a certain level of professional or financial success before really settling down with a woman, and if he doesn't feel that he's there yet, he may end the relationship. Some men haven't "sow'd their wild oats" yet, so to speak, and feel as though they need to play the field more before they really commit to one woman. Some men haven't grown up being taught what a real healthy relationship looks like, and therefore runs away at the sight of one because he has no idea how to handle it. I do feel, though, that 99% of men really do want to be wanted, and loved, and committed - they just need to FEEL that it's the right situation to accept it. One of those "when you know, you know" situations...you know? I understand this may be a bit vague but it's really going to be different for everyone. The best thing you can do is continue fully becoming the best version of yourself and know that the right man who is worthy of your efforts is going to match them for you! - James

        Hey Kelly! First, let me start with the shorter answer. No, I don't think exes can be friends and I personally wouldn't want to be friends with an ex. Perhaps it's because guys have a more difficult time separating "just friends" than women do (ie., we can't do it at all), but I feel that if someone was going to be in my life in a romantic sense and it didn't work out, then I will respectfully end contact with that person and eventually move on with my life. The second (first) part of your question is more difficult. The answer is going to be different for everyone. Some men feel the need to reach a certain level of professional or financial success before really settling down with a woman, and if he doesn't feel that he's there yet, he may end the relationship. Some men haven't "sow'd their wild oats" yet, so to speak, and feel as though they need to play the field more before they really commit to one woman. Some men haven't grown up being taught what a real healthy relationship looks like, and therefore runs away at the sight of one because he has no idea how to handle it. I do feel, though, that 99% of men really do want to be wanted, and loved, and committed - they just need to FEEL that it's the right situation to accept it. One of those "when you know, you know" situations...you know? I understand this may be a bit vague but it's really going to be different for everyone. The best thing you can do is continue fully becoming the best version of yourself and know that the right man who is worthy of your efforts is going to match them for you! - James

  • Bethany Heinrich
    Bethany Heinrich Mogul Influencer
    3y ago New York, NY, United States

    Hi James, you are awesome! You have such an amazing career and following. How did you go about building your brand and following? How did that lead to being on air as well? Such a cool career path so thank you for being a part of the Mogul community!

    Hi James, you are awesome! You have such an amazing career and following. How did you go about building your brand and following? How did that lead to being on air as well? Such a cool career path so thank you for being a part of the Mogul community!

    • James Michael Sama
      James Michael Sama Relationship Expert
      3y ago

      Hi Bethany - thanks so much! I have a LONG way to go but I'm getting there. :) One of the biggest things I tell people about building brands and "followings" for lack of a better term, is the absolute NEED to be authentic and emotionally relate-able. There is far too much click-baity nonsense floating around the internet these days that nobody can really connect with. You won't BELIEVE what happens next! Oh, really? Nobody is taking the time to really engage with their audiences, find out what they like/dislike, and provide content accordingly. I think of it like a clothing store - if you're going to open a clothing store, YOUR specific style of clothing may not sell the best. You've got to find out what your target demographic likes and provide what THEY want. So, I have really spent a lot of time with my finger on the pulse of my audience, learning, listening, and hearing their thoughts and ideas. I then respond accordingly in the most genuine way I can, and people respond well by sharing the hell out of the content. In terms of being on air, simple mass exposure did it. I've been contacted by multiple outlets both via email from JamesMSama.com and also through social media. Building the biggest audiences possible and reaching the most amount of people is key - but the most important part is doing it genuinely so you know that people are truly engaged and you don't have a million people on your page who don't even "like" your posts. Know what I mean?! Hope this helps! - James

      Hi Bethany - thanks so much! I have a LONG way to go but I'm getting there. :) One of the biggest things I tell people about building brands and "followings" for lack of a better term, is the absolute NEED to be authentic and emotionally relate-able. There is far too much click-baity nonsense floating around the internet these days that nobody can really connect with. You won't BELIEVE what happens next! Oh, really? Nobody is taking the time to really engage with their audiences, find out what they like/dislike, and provide content accordingly. I think of it like a clothing store - if you're going to open a clothing store, YOUR specific style of clothing may not sell the best. You've got to find out what your target demographic likes and provide what THEY want. So, I have really spent a lot of time with my finger on the pulse of my audience, learning, listening, and hearing their thoughts and ideas. I then respond accordingly in the most genuine way I can, and people respond well by sharing the hell out of the content. In terms of being on air, simple mass exposure did it. I've been contacted by multiple outlets both via email from JamesMSama.com and also through social media. Building the biggest audiences possible and reaching the most amount of people is key - but the most important part is doing it genuinely so you know that people are truly engaged and you don't have a million people on your page who don't even "like" your posts. Know what I mean?! Hope this helps! - James

  • Jenny Joplin
    3y ago

    Hi James, it's so great to have you on here. My scenario is this: I am an entrepreneur & am (was) dating another entrepreneur. I've been through the launch of a business before, and the first 1-2 years of the business can be one of the most stressful, most harrowing times of your life and oftentimes feels like you require 100% focus, at the cost of all relationships, if you want the business to succeed. Several years in, the business I founded is now doing very well, but the man I am dating is only now launching his business. He was very invested in our relationship for the first 6 months, but the month that he launched his business, he began to waver back and forth, most days feeling great love for me while some days thinking he really needed to focus on his business 100% at the cost of our relationship. On those latter days, he'd ask if we could possibly stay friends but then be able to resume our relationship in a year, after the business takes off; this way, he wouldn't be beholden to anyone else's needs, which he believes would be destructive to his business at this time. But when push would come to shove, he was not able to let me go, and thus, we stayed together. While I was very hurt the first 2 times he would express the latter sentiments, by the third time, I was just emotionally exhausted -- and finally gave up. I walked away and cut off all communication. Now, he keeps on contacting me, and seeing if I could still please stay in his life; the number of times he's contacted me and what he's said in his messages show me that he still loves me deeply, but at the same time, he continues to insist that he can't be a boyfriend right now. I am not replying to his latest messages, and I don't want to. I've communicated enough times with him on what I want (which was what we had before), and it just differs too much from what he wants. What do you think I should do?

    Hi James, it's so great to have you on here. My scenario is this: I am an entrepreneur & am (was) dating another entrepreneur. I've been through the launch of a business before, and the first 1-2 years of the business can be one of the most stressful, most harrowing times of your life and oftentimes feels like you require 100% focus, at the cost of all relationships, if you want the business to succeed. Several years in, the business I founded is now doing very well, but the man I am dating is only now launching his business. He was very invested in our relationship for the first 6 months, but the month that he launched his business, he began to waver back and forth, most days feeling great love for me while some days thinking he really needed to focus on his business 100% at the cost of our relationship. On those latter days, he'd ask if we could possibly stay friends but then be able to resume our relationship in a year, after the business takes off; this way, he wouldn't be beholden to anyone else's needs, which he believes would be destructive to his business at this time. But when push would come to shove, he was not able to let me go, and thus, we stayed together. While I was very hurt the first 2 times he would express the latter sentiments, by the third time, I was just emotionally exhausted -- and finally gave up. I walked away and cut off all communication. Now, he keeps on contacting me, and seeing if I could still please stay in his life; the number of times he's contacted me and what he's said in his messages show me that he still loves me deeply, but at the same time, he continues to insist that he can't be a boyfriend right now. I am not replying to his latest messages, and I don't want to. I've communicated enough times with him on what I want (which was what we had before), and it just differs too much from what he wants. What do you think I should do?

    • James Michael Sama
      James Michael Sama Relationship Expert
      3y ago

      Hi Jenny (and fellow entrepreneur). This sounds like a really difficult situation for you to have to experience, here are my thoughts: I totally agree with your assessment that the two of you want very different things right now. This is the unfortunate reality that illustrates just how important TIMING is when it comes to building a healthy relationship. I used to post a quote often that said "there is no such thing as the wrong timing if it's the right person," but I've since learned that reality doesn't work that way. The fact of the matter is that timing can literally make or break a relationship, and you have already moved past the phases that he's just beginning to get in to. On top of that, (forgive this sounding a bit pessimistic), but his success in this business is not guaranteed. What happens if things don't unfold as planned? What happens if he has to start over again? Will he continue keeping you on the line over, and over, and over again until he succeeds down the road? That being said, let's move past the hypotheticals and deal with the present moment. At the present moment, you know that you want and deserve someone who is going to be able to give JUST AS MUCH to this relationship as you are, and he unfortunately is simply not that person. If he truly loves and respects you then he has to understand that you should be an EQUAL HALF of a relationship with somebody who is fully ready to commit. It's not fair to you for this relationship to happen on his terms - which if you agree to continue it - will be what happens. I think you've made the right decision. Plus, it sounds like you were still together for less than a year before this all unfolded. I know that's still long enough to build a connection, but had you been together for multiple years my answer may be different. I think you should stick to your guns and keep moving forward, knowing that the right guy will be on the same page as you, at the same time. Hope this helps, and congratulations on your success! - James

      Hi Jenny (and fellow entrepreneur). This sounds like a really difficult situation for you to have to experience, here are my thoughts: I totally agree with your assessment that the two of you want very different things right now. This is the unfortunate reality that illustrates just how important TIMING is when it comes to building a healthy relationship. I used to post a quote often that said "there is no such thing as the wrong timing if it's the right person," but I've since learned that reality doesn't work that way. The fact of the matter is that timing can literally make or break a relationship, and you have already moved past the phases that he's just beginning to get in to. On top of that, (forgive this sounding a bit pessimistic), but his success in this business is not guaranteed. What happens if things don't unfold as planned? What happens if he has to start over again? Will he continue keeping you on the line over, and over, and over again until he succeeds down the road? That being said, let's move past the hypotheticals and deal with the present moment. At the present moment, you know that you want and deserve someone who is going to be able to give JUST AS MUCH to this relationship as you are, and he unfortunately is simply not that person. If he truly loves and respects you then he has to understand that you should be an EQUAL HALF of a relationship with somebody who is fully ready to commit. It's not fair to you for this relationship to happen on his terms - which if you agree to continue it - will be what happens. I think you've made the right decision. Plus, it sounds like you were still together for less than a year before this all unfolded. I know that's still long enough to build a connection, but had you been together for multiple years my answer may be different. I think you should stick to your guns and keep moving forward, knowing that the right guy will be on the same page as you, at the same time. Hope this helps, and congratulations on your success! - James

  • Default
    Guest
    3y ago

    I'm so glad you are about having standards. I met some people recently who said we shouldn't have that high of standards when it comes to dating and it made me upset. My only requirement is to feel for the person, clear and simple.

    I'm so glad you are about having standards. I met some people recently who said we shouldn't have that high of standards when it comes to dating and it made me upset. My only requirement is to feel for the person, clear and simple.

    • Default
      Guest
      3y ago

      I have a big question and sorry for the long post: I was seeing a man on/off for about 3.5 years. He went through a public divorce where his wife left him for another man. Someone he knew. It was awful and it forever changed him. Anytime we'd get too close, he'd run away even though his friends said I was someone he really cared about and loved. He just couldn't commit. So each time we tried to call it quits because he couldn't do it, he'd then reach out after a bit like a couple of weeks. I'm sure he's seen others too, but why can't he commit if he cares? What stops people from leaning into something real? Can people just be so damaged that they can't commit?

      I have a big question and sorry for the long post: I was seeing a man on/off for about 3.5 years. He went through a public divorce where his wife left him for another man. Someone he knew. It was awful and it forever changed him. Anytime we'd get too close, he'd run away even though his friends said I was someone he really cared about and loved. He just couldn't commit. So each time we tried to call it quits because he couldn't do it, he'd then reach out after a bit like a couple of weeks. I'm sure he's seen others too, but why can't he commit if he cares? What stops people from leaning into something real? Can people just be so damaged that they can't commit?

      • James Michael Sama
        James Michael Sama Relationship Expert
        3y ago

        Hi Bird Lady! Glad you're here as well. :) I totally agree that there are a lot of people out there who have lowered their standards just to find someone to be with, and that's half the problem when it comes to relationships these days...on to your specific question... This is a touchy subject so excuse my bluntness. I have dated someone who was fresh out of a divorce, and I had a similar experience. She left when things got too close, but then actually found her way back into another engagement very soon after. So it's not a complete parallel, but to me it sounds as though your previous/former/current flame is struggling to find out whether he wants to have his alone time, or whether he wants to be in another committed relationship. The problem here is that often times what someone will do is simply try to replace the relationship and feeling they had with their previous partner. Instead of building someone fresh and new with YOU, he will simply try to fit you back into the "missing piece" of his life, so to speak. This is obviously not a situation you want to be in because he is not truly loving and caring for YOU as an individual. Just as a replacement. If you feel as though he's seeing other people too, then he's searching. Which is good - for him. Not so much for you. It's good for him because he's going to be looking for what type of woman he wants to be with, so when he DOES decide to commit, he knows it will be the right choice. Even if he cares, he simply cannot commit because he's not ready. I know that sounds cliche or like an easy way out, but it's 9 times out of ten, the truth. And in my experience, yes I do believe that people can be so damaged that they can't commit - for awhile. I do think it can pass and that he will eventually find his way into the arms of another woman who he knows he wants to be with, but I also think you need to do yourself the favor of not holding on to him as your only option, because his actions and his feelings are unpredictable right now. The last thing you want is to wait around and then have him end up with someone else. Explore your own options, find your own happiness, and live your own life. It may be him who fits into it, or it may be someone else. But - it will be someone. :) - James

        Hi Bird Lady! Glad you're here as well. :) I totally agree that there are a lot of people out there who have lowered their standards just to find someone to be with, and that's half the problem when it comes to relationships these days...on to your specific question... This is a touchy subject so excuse my bluntness. I have dated someone who was fresh out of a divorce, and I had a similar experience. She left when things got too close, but then actually found her way back into another engagement very soon after. So it's not a complete parallel, but to me it sounds as though your previous/former/current flame is struggling to find out whether he wants to have his alone time, or whether he wants to be in another committed relationship. The problem here is that often times what someone will do is simply try to replace the relationship and feeling they had with their previous partner. Instead of building someone fresh and new with YOU, he will simply try to fit you back into the "missing piece" of his life, so to speak. This is obviously not a situation you want to be in because he is not truly loving and caring for YOU as an individual. Just as a replacement. If you feel as though he's seeing other people too, then he's searching. Which is good - for him. Not so much for you. It's good for him because he's going to be looking for what type of woman he wants to be with, so when he DOES decide to commit, he knows it will be the right choice. Even if he cares, he simply cannot commit because he's not ready. I know that sounds cliche or like an easy way out, but it's 9 times out of ten, the truth. And in my experience, yes I do believe that people can be so damaged that they can't commit - for awhile. I do think it can pass and that he will eventually find his way into the arms of another woman who he knows he wants to be with, but I also think you need to do yourself the favor of not holding on to him as your only option, because his actions and his feelings are unpredictable right now. The last thing you want is to wait around and then have him end up with someone else. Explore your own options, find your own happiness, and live your own life. It may be him who fits into it, or it may be someone else. But - it will be someone. :) - James


James Michael Sama
Relationship Expert

James Michael Sama is a nationally recognized writer and speaker who frequently appears in media outlets such as The Huffington Post, CNBC, Bravo, The New York Post, and more. James' website, JamesMSama.com, has generated over 36 million pageviews in just 3 years, and he has amassed a social media [...]

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