I mean it, you deserve more than fake happiness.
All those smiles you hide behind, all those days where you can't seem to get out of bed, all of those times where you cringe at the thought of even speaking, but do anyway. You don't have to live like that. You don't have to wear a mask or hide yourself away or be outgoing all the time. You really don't. It takes so much more energy to fake it, and to be fake happy, and you don't have to be that--not for anyone, not for other people, and especially not for yourself. You should be how you feel right now. You shouldn't have to create a new person to get by.
Maybe its okay to just be sad sometimes, to want to give up or give in, to disappoint people. Thats okay too. Thats real. And for the people who may not understand it, you don't have to live a different life for them. You should be free to talk about it, to say that its been a rough day, to stop hiding all the things that you feel and to be able to just breathe and live how you want at the time. You can start to normalize this wall put between you and society, put between normal and someone who needs "help", put between happiness and fake happiness.
You don't need to be so hard on yourself, you don't need to be anything or do anything or validate anything, you just need to be you. You don't have to feel lesser or worthless or like you want to disappear for awhile--you definitely don't need to. You can feel that way, but you don't have to let it debilitate you, you don't have to let it control you. You are allowed to lounge around all day if you want, or take a day off, or not be the person who does everything and is living this amazing life. Because guess what? You deserve a break too sometimes; you deserve to do nothing, to pout, to lay around, to want to sink into wherever and not come back for awhile. It doesn't have to be a bad thing, it is just the way you feel at the time. And thats totally okay!
Living your life always so "light and fluffy" just isn't possible all the time. Some days we are thriving right where we are, others we are just striving to feel normal again. Its important to not always hide behind your smile and to not let the fake happy part of you, take over the true, unapologetic happy. Its okay to talk about the bad days and let people see your weaknesses, doubts, insecurities. You're only human after all. And when you do, use that negative energy and turn it into something productive. Because all of that fake happiness is holding you back, its keeping you down and locked away within yourself, but don't let it. Its better to be a mope and have it be truly you, than to be feeling like you need to be someone else.
There are bad days. They happen. But talking about them and living them should be okay too. Because you deserve more than fake happiness.
You Might Also Like
I have always kept my writing to myself, journaling and stories, until now. And although I love writing, I am actually studying wildlife biology and conservation at Colorado State University. I hope to stay in Colorado to live the lake-life and be outdoors as much as possible in my future, [...]