I'm sorry, I screwed up. It’s all my fault, I hurt you in ways I could've never imagined possible. But I did.
You don't trust me anymore and I do not know how to fix that, you say you still love me and that you're not going to leave me, but it's hard to believe as there is no reason to stay.
This is all my doing, not only have I hurt you, but I ended up hurting myself.
My own actions have torn my heart into pieces, the way I hurt you is inexcusable.
What is worse is that I do not recall any of my doings, I question the sources but I dare not justify if I am innocent; as now, I don't even trust myself.
Maybe I'm just too emotional and too mentally broken that I have this dark side which washes over me unwillingly and unconsciously makes me do things against my own morals, in the end, I’m not able to recall anything.
I try to find any reason for my actions, but I can't seem to put my finger on it. It drives me insane, sometimes to the point I feel like relapsing, which would have set me back to square one.
I thought I have finally gotten over that phase and have finally taught myself to love my body and myself for who I am. But recently I don't even feel connected to myself, it's surreal.
This is my cry for help, but you can't hear me