There are just times you question yourself, you ask why certain things keep on happening to you? Do you deserve this much pain and how come this pain becomes unbearable for you? You walk around pretending you’re happy when deep down inside you’re not! You just want to keep on moving forward as you live life but little things that happen to you makes you slow down or stop.
You’ve heard yourself say out loud that you will get through this. You know you’ve said that way too many times already. And you did! You were able to get over it once, twice. Then it happens again. This time you cannot let yourself let this one go without knowing why. You have been turned down so many times. Often than not, you usually try to understand them and make excuses for them which leaves you hanging. You always have theories that you kept on analyzing before you sleep. “what happened?” “why not me?” “why?”. You never knew the answer. At some point, you just wanted to stop. For all the trying you did, it just wasn’t worth it. You were breaking your heart more often than getting it fixed. It was as if you were the problem and not them.
On the third time, you couldn’t continue pretending it was okay. It wasn’t okay to get shut down again. You just had to ask why. He was honest, he told you why. Your heart stopped for a moment, you couldn’t hear anything else but your heart beat. And then you remember why you never questioned them. Now you know why it’s easier to assume a situation that is bearable than to hearing the truth.
Cause no, it really wasn’t him the problem. It wasn’t you either. It was just the universe not aligning in the way it should on a certain time.
It’s the way you both assume things and arrive to a probability that was never bound to happen in the first place. You both had different expectations and perspective. You just weren’t on the same page. As much as it devastates you, you just had to accept it. It was bound to happen. There wasn’t anything you can do to save it. It was just a matter of moving on and you just had to remind yourself that this won’t be the last time it will happen and its okay.
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This is my letter to you, the boy who emotionally destroyed me