Nice guys finish last. Is that the saying?
Being called the “nice guy” may have a nice ring to it but it is a cruel, double-edged sword. If you were to, (God forbid), get upset or angry over something and confront your friends about it, it seems you’ve turned into this ugly, green, raging lunatic. They don’t expect it from you, suddenly they feel taken aback and blindsided at just how defensive or strong minded you can be. It not only surprises them but it scares them to, and they go hiding. They lose their interest because they’ve finally seen the less positive side to you which isn’t meant to be there. But it’s the side you have always lived with, always known, it’s always been there.
People confront, outburst and get emotional every day, but it’s not meant to come from someone as nice as you. Right?
To this there is the definite feeling of not being allowed to ever be upset or angry, because it suddenly turns everything into drama if you do. Have you ever had that friend that will try to reason with “of course you’re allowed to get angry.”? But you can still hear in their voice clear as day that they are still trying to believe that themselves. It’s shocking to them, and they look at you in a whole other light. Sad bit is you may not have been some enraged Hulk tearing down buildings and throwing glass, you would only have just said a few choice words in an ‘enough is enough’ voice and THAT is when you’re finding yourself in hot water.
If everyone else can have their moments, why can’t you?
I guess you’re an easy target in terms of being walked all over. Be it your friends, relationships, complete strangers even. Always agreeing to do something for someone and then finding yourself being the constant suggestion to do it. You think ‘well shit it’s my own fault for letting it get to this point’, but truth is you help those because you think they will be nice enough to return the favour someday when you need them. Or because you know what it’s like to need someone and would be incredibly grateful for the help. Unfortunately it just goes too far sometimes, unfortunately people will expect you to help them and not in a good way.
Surely if you can compromise to make other people happy then the people around you can right? Or they can at least remember the compromises you’ve made and consider it for next time? Maybe that’s too much to ask because you’ve always agreed to do whatever “makes things work” or whatever “makes everyone happy” and now it seems like it’s not what suits you, it’s what suits everyone else… Sometimes the people around you are holding the decision making torch and no matter what you are planning, they go with what is best for them rather consider your feelings as well. Because they are now comfortable in putting you second to make things suit them.
And you know what? You take all this to heart, obviously. What they are doing may not necessarily be a bad thing, it’s human reaction and behaved by so many. But sometimes you wish your consideration of others was returned. You wish others had the initiative to fight for the friendship/relationship/partnership when things get tricky instead of running away because it’s easier.
You are allowed to get upset, you are allowed to speak your mind when you feel you’re being disrespected, you are allowed to put your foot down, NO ONE is Mr. Nice Guy all the time. You don’t have control over how others react and choose to respond. Only they do and that is a reflection of them more than it ever will be of you. Good on you for being so kind and so considerate. But word to the wise:
You will end up very disappointed if you grow up thinking everyone has the same heart as you.
*Originally published on Thought Catalog at thoughtcatalog.com
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