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Thank You For Letting Me Walked Around Being Starved For The Smallest Crumb Of Your Attention - Mogul

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ThankYouForLettingMeWalkedAroundBeingStarvedForTheSmallestCrumbOfYourAttention

BEA C. PILOTIN
BEA C. PILOTIN Writer at Thought Catalog, Blogger at Wordpress.com, Featured Author at The Minds Journal & Community Member at Mogul
3mo Doha, Qatar Story
Thank You For Letting Me Walked Around Being Starved For The Smallest Crumb Of Your Attention

AND SHE SAID...

You know what you always do that is driving me crazy? It's when you don't respond and each time I bring up something you don't want to discuss, you shut up or just say one or two words then ignore! You are so evasive with my questions. You don't want to discuss what's bothering you. You draw yourself back. You seem like undergoing a rapid combustion then  you are being emotionally detached and not responsive or just get distant! And that seems to appear I nagged so often because I feel so bad for not having the words out and the actions I needed...to lessen the resentment I feel. You have never tried working with me for the solutions we both can live with. 

You see... 

Each time you don't respond- I feel unloved and not being cared for. I want you know that when a woman like me may appear to nag, please remind yourself that the intention of just wanting to talk to you is not to control you... I want to communicate and have the cord connected to you for emotional closeness.

That each time you hold back from showing your love, I feel sad. And again, I want you to  know that I feel so damned rebellious and it brings out the worst in me. I want you to understand that this is not a pressure and please don't feel being annoyed, it's just that I don't want the passion to disappear.

Each time you are evasive and distant, I feel you don't love me enough to be there for you.  And I'm so scared that every time...I see and can even touch you but I can't feel you because, emotionally, you vanished. Each time you draw an emotional wall and try to have a gap between us, I am trying to built a bridge for that to feel close to you again and I wish you know that. Try to communicate with me, don't just to go numb. Don't just slammed the door shut on my face. I don't want to become chronically depressed and living in constant fear for not bringing out the best in me. 

Well, you can't just be a jerk thinking I'm such a doormat. It's true, I have allowed you to do everything you wanted. I allowed you to take me for granted. I allowed you to keep pushing my limits. You never did try to feed my heart with the attention I needed and it dried up! I've tried to communicate but you were just never there to listen. If it's just a matter of breaking the relationship that would be one thing, but why can't you communicate with me? What's taking you so long to admit it?

I am sorry because you have turned me into everything you hate. An irritable. A cranky. An impatient. A hypersensitive! I sacrifice too much of myself in the name of love and, still, I ended up love-starved and resentful.

I really am so sorry to say this so bluntly: You shoved me away with your indifference. You never hold on me real tight. You let me walked around being starved for the smallest crumb of your attention. My love was taken for granted. You instilled in my mind that my presence was never valued and appreciated.  I knew, I am just another ad-hoc lover for you and this time around, I decided to stop chasing a dangerous kind of bullshits. Let's not prolong this masquerade because it depreciates me while you get away with murder!  

The first time we set our eyes to each other and finally kissed, we called it a coming together of like temperaments in an unlikely world. And today, let's call it quits!

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5 comments

  • Tiffany Pham
    Tiffany Pham Founder & CEO, Mogul
    3mo ago

    • BEA C. PILOTIN
      BEA C. PILOTIN Writer at Thought Catalog, Blogger at Wordpress.com, Featured Author at The Minds Journal & Community Member at Mogul
      3mo ago

      Write a reply...Oh, Thank you!

      Write a reply...Oh, Thank you!

      • Lucy Chen
        3mo ago

        I hear you on this. Great read!

        I hear you on this. Great read!

        • BEA C. PILOTIN
          BEA C. PILOTIN Writer at Thought Catalog, Blogger at Wordpress.com, Featured Author at The Minds Journal & Community Member at Mogul
          3mo ago

          Thanks😘

          Thanks😘

  • Ella Antonio Dy
    2mo ago

    Just WOW!

    Just WOW!


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BEA C. PILOTIN
Writer at Thought Catalog, Blogger at Wordpress.com, Featured Author at The Minds Journal & Community Member at Mogul

A Computer Programmer with a passion of books, wines & spirits and good movies. I can often be found inside the bathroom writing and reading. To read more from me, follow me on my Facebook Page https://m.facebook.com/beapilotin/

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