So, you gave him your number. You volleyed back and forth with witty banter like a bad game of tennis. Now, he’s not texting you back. Instead of sending something aggressive like…
photo: Matthew Bryant
Take three deep breaths, and try any of the following activities to preserve your sanity. Doing something productive, helping a friend out, and getting back to your center will help take your mind off those texts that go unanswered or that phone call you’re patiently waiting for.
1. CALL YOUR GRANDMA.
Or your mother, your dad, etc. The list goes on and on. They miss you. Pick up the phone for a purpose other than waiting to see those three taunting little dots that mean his fingers might be typing some increasingly vague message implying he may or may not be interested/want to see you/be looking for a relationship at this time/think your zodiac signs are compatible.
2. WRITE HAIKUS.
Even if you don’t consider yourself to be a great writer, writing a haiku is worth trying out and it could be very therapeutic. The traditional Japanese three-line poem has 17 syllables written in a 5/7/5 count. They often focus on nature, but you can make yours humorous or about whatever topic is on your mind.
Nick Offerman even wrote one in his memoir, Paddle Your Canoe. Feast your eyes (and stomachs) on this delicious inspiration –
“The Bratwurst: A Haiku
Tight skin flue of pork.
Juices fly, explode in mouth.
A little mustard.”
3. START FLOSSING ALREADY.
You know we all don’t do it enough. End of story. So rather than twiddling your thumbs waiting by the phone, practice a weaving motion instead with a useful tool that will help prevent mouth diseases and make you want to smile more because you are totally worth it and shouldn’t not smile because a guy is not texting you back.
4. COLOR CODE YOUR CLOSET.
Somewhere deep inside of you, especially if you’re a particularly messy person, there is a slightly OCD-inclined human who will be jumping for joy if you color-coordinate your closet. Organize things in shades from lightest to darkest, or even go so far as to color code and then separate by season. Go wild. Your heart will be very distracted and very, very happy.
5. GO TO A RECORD STORE.
It’s one of the best places to wander in and listening to albums on vinyl is just a richer experience. You’ll feel more in touch with lyrics and sounds and the artist. Turn your phone OFF, and go get lost by yourself in aisles and aisles of beautiful music.
6. OFFER TO DOG SIT.
Help out a friend or a coworker. You can spend days waiting by an elusive device waiting for a man’s words to magically appear or you can spend time with a magical animal that will suddenly help you rediscover the joy in life. Walk outside with your temporary pet, let Air Bud lick your face off, and absorb the love nature’s furry friends give away abundantly and selflessly.
7. BAKE SOMETHING, ANYTHING… LIKE A SOUFFLÉ!
You know how dreamy and romantic a soufflé sounds? Well it totally is, but it’s also a bit complicated to make, serving as a great distraction. Better yet, there are savory kinds and sweet kinds. So, pick your poison and try out a recipe, like this one. You won’t be sorry.
8. DANCE YOUR A** OFF!
Watch a YouTube video of the latest dance craze and nail down the choreography. All the cool kids are doing it (I think) and post their attempts on the interwebs. It’ll burn calories, and you’ll feel better for keeping up with the hype. I heard there’s a new running man out there. Go ahead, run and learn it, quick.
Here’s a no-brainer in addition to those first few deep breaths you should have taken. Don’t freak out if you haven’t heard back from this person who you assume must have “fallen off the face of the earth.” Download a meditation app if you have no idea how to relax (I certainly don’t) or how to even get started sitting still and quieting the mind.
A few like Smiling Mind, Buddhify, Headspace, and Calm have been named the “Best Meditation Apps” of the year by Healthline.com.
10. WATCH STRANGER THINGS.
And, if you haven’t yet, I really don’t know what you’re doing with your life. Oh yeah, that’s right — stressing out over unrequited text messages. This brilliant piece of art is like The Goonies, E.T., Stand by Me, and a bunch of other wonderful, classic films all had the most badass baby ever. It’s such a captivating show you’ll be TOO DISTRACTED TO STARE LONGINGLY AT YOUR PHONE.
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