I would do anything for one last night with you, one last kiss, one last hug, just like I begged for before you walked out the door.
For days I've dreamt if things could have been different, if I've cherished our last night together, but instead I took it for granted as I thought there would be many more nights with you.
And if one last night is all we’ve been given maybe I wouldn’t be as broken as I am now wondering what it would be like if things went differently.
Maybe we wouldn't have ended things off on the wrong foot, maybe we could've been friends, just like you promised.
But yet again, you had promised me that you would always love me even if we drifted apart, ironically now, it is as if our paths have never crossed.
All these broken promises but I still have the smallest spark of hope left in me that maybe just maybe we were actually meant to be, just that we’ve played the game wrong.
I often catch myself wondering, would one more night with you really make any difference?
Even though you told me that I would be the cause of my own death due to my poisonous thoughts, but the only poison in my life was you.
Even though you suffocated me in lies, I still loved you with all my heart and even though you drowned me in my own thoughts, I still came back to you; every single time.
You claim that you tried to fix me but it only ended up breaking you, but that is no excuse for betraying someone.
However, just because you are in love with somebody it doesn't always mean that you’re happy, you can continue to love someone after they’ve hurt you countless of times, but deep down you know it would never be the same.
The scars they leave on your heart are permanent and you would forever have that paranoia of it happening again.
My image of love is ruined because of you, I can't imagine myself ever being loved by someone else, as I still don't understand the definition of self-worth and I am still unable to love myself.
But what I didn't understand is that you have to learn to love yourself before you can love anyone else; it is easier said than done.
Till now, I am still stuck in this fictional world where you and I actually worked out, and every night I visit this fairytale.
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This is my letter to you, the boy who emotionally destroyed me