"He wanted me to be the sky. I left because he couldn't see I already was." - Sade Andria Bak-Zabala, Poet & Writer
She feels sorry but she needed a change, something new in her life -a change of heart; a new key to fit a new door; a new song to sing; a new face with a new smile.
She feels sorry that she has decided to stop begging and quit breaking her own heart. For such a long time, she held the pain in her heart but you never did try to bend to hold her hand. You knew that she was falling from the highest cliff but you were unmindful to help and lift. You never hold on her real tight. She was begging you to hold on, yet you went on your own. She pleaded you to stay but you shut her out in perplexity. You let her walked around being starved for the smallest crumb of your attention and affection. Her love was taken for granted. You instilled in her mind that her presence was never valued and appreciated.
She feels sorry that she realized she deserves the kind of love that embraces her flaws and a love without expectation; the love that does not calculate her as a woman and as a human being; the love that has courage to take risks loving her in different ways and the love that is patient and kind.
She feels sorry that she's so tired and too exhausted being the one- the one who tries to maintain the relationship; the one who loves and understands; the one who never gives up and the one who never turns away from you; the one who is always being tossed in the trash; the one who is being shoved away by your indifference; the one who is emotionally hurt and the one who stays, begs and chases. She's tired of holding on. Too tired!
And now, she's giving up. She doesn't like where she is now that's why she wants to change her journey without you. She wants to get rid of the old view in her life and will never allow her heart to wander again just like the wild birds that exist on the basis of survival of the fittest.
She has to treat herself like the most beautiful and extraordinary person alive in this world like the way you never did. She will let the pain teach her a lesson so that she will never repeat the same mistake over and over again. She cannot change what happened but she can change how to make up for it.
She will never ever let anyone treat her the way you did. She deserves someone who loves her with his whole heart wonderfully. Not maybe, not halfway, not an option and not his second best to someone else.
And this time, she's not scared with those memories and nightmares anymore. She had gotten over the ghost of the past. Yes, she finally did and found something she never would have found if she stayed with you. She found HERSELF. It's a piece of her life that she knew she couldn't live without now. Having found it, she couldn't give that up for anyone. And remembering those miseries and how lonely she had been with you had brought her life into a different perspective. Yes, she's alone now with herself but not lonely anymore. Her life now is easy and comfortable. The scars in her heart faded like the scar on her head she'd gotten the day you started kicking her out in your life. She had learned that she cannot hang on to loneliness forever. She's climbing mountain alone and that's perfectly okay. There are huge waves pouring off in her life but she survived in any way. And looking back, she couldn't find words. She just wants to thank you for everything- for letting her go. Because of that, she learned the ways of love.
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A woman who always has an unread book inside her bag. She loves looking over the shelves in the bookstore. The one who quietly cries out when she has found the book she really wants. And she can often be found inside the bathroom writing and reading. To read more from her, follow her on her [...]