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It'sGoodToBeLonelyAtTimesAndIDidn'tMindBeingOne

BEA C. PILOTIN
BEA C. PILOTIN Writer at Thought Catalog, Blogger at Wordpress.com, Featured Author at The Minds Journal & Community Member at Mogul
4mo Doha, Qatar Story
It's Good To Be Lonely At Times And I Didn't Mind Being One

"It's good to be lonely at times. I didn't mind being one. I didn't mind being in a lonely misery. Because it made me stronger to accept the things I hardly understand. Thank you for letting me be a part of that wild-goose chase for such a long time. I will never look back to the place where I thought  I belong." -  Bea C. Pilotin

At times,

I was wondering how it feels giving me a quick kiss on my neck while you're passing by behind me. How does it feel to have a quick call in the middle of the day just to say you miss me and for leaving a note in my inbox each morning and at the end of the day? Or, how it feels waking up in the morning when I'm grumpy and you are patiently hugging me? How does it feel preparing for me... my favorite coffee when I wake in the morning? How does it feel like kissing you, holding you and my warm blanket during winter nights when the snow falls on the cedar trees. I tried turning the table and begging to give me some of what I had given but you were so wild just like a goose I could hardly chase. 

You see, I never failed even once to ask God before I go to bed at night that one day I could finally see that lovely smile that contains all your LOVE for me. Maybe- just maybe, I could experience how to get drowned with so much love and happiness in my heart. Even with God, I begged. I always pray that one day- you could fill the spaces between my fingers to feel safe when I'm scared with the lightning and thunderstorm in the dark night sky. I wonder…God seemed to have favorites, too. Unfortunately, I'm not one of them. And that's okay.

I told you...

I will try to fix a cheese omelette for you and cook your favorite baked pasta for dinner each day. I will never burn your favorite Tuxedo shirts and your George Neale neckties. And I will pamper you with a lovely rub on your back when you get home from work. I will feed your favorite fish in your salt water aquarium. I will incessantly write for you beautiful stories and YOU in every word that bleeds. I will fill your fridge with your favorite dark godiva chocolates each day. I will love you to the moon and back. I'll take care of you when you grow old. I'll do everything for you to be happy-EVERYTHING!

But I guess,

It's time for me to stop running after you because I know deep in my heart I deserve a man who really exist and always be there to love me. And I deserve that best kind of love. It's not that I lose patience but I don't have enough strength anymore to keep chasing. I've gone too far running behind you. I've crossed heaven and earth for you. I came through a hurricane and tornado to reach you. I have climbed the highest mountains. I know there's no easy way to go back. It's always a difficult one. There are no shortcuts. No sure direction but I know I'll get back there. Or, who knows- someone will meet me halfway there.

To you...

Wherever you are at this point in time, I want to tell you- I already stopped begging. I stopped chasing. Look behind you...I'm nowhere to be found. I'm sorry I finally decided to give my heart a break. I've grown up and finally stopped licking my wounds that were too deep- the wounds no one could see and touch. I admit, I still have this feeling or remnant of love in my heart. I can't turn it off just like that but I will learn to live with it. One day, it will all evaporate in the vast sky.

Thank you...for letting me be a part of that journey I have chased for such a long time. There are footprints but they will never lead me back again to the yesterdays I once had. I will never look back to the place where I thought the home I belong. I will never go back to say goodbye because I'm telling it to you now. I will put you away in my heart. Maybe, this time around, I will be one of God's little Darlings and one of His favorites, too. I know, someday...somehow...someone out there will find me and will never let me chase again. That someone who is crazy about me and who thinks I'm the best thing that ever happened to his life. A man who will never ever let me feel those familiar knife stabs in my heart.

Yes,

I already stopped the wild-goose chase. I even stopped begging for crumbs. It's not because I am tired but because I finally realized the melancholy it brought me. I was a beggar for quite long time and it torments me that you have never given me what I was begging for.

I finally decided to quit breaking my own heart, you know that?



This Article has been featured in http://themindsjournal.com/
  

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3 comments

  • Default
    Guest
    4mo ago

    Urgent Love Spell To Bet Back Your Ex Email Dr. Trust [email protected] Great article! I hope this helps a lot of women out there. Fix your marriage and relationship after a breakup or divorce, 100% guarantee Love spell..! A very big problem occurred in my Marriage seven months ago,between me and my husband .so terrible that he took the case to court for a divorce. he said that he never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn't love me anymore.So he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and he confirmed it that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my husband .So i explained every thing to him,so he told me that the only way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for him too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the email address of the spell caster whom he visited. I sent a mail to the address he gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my husband back the next day. What an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me, and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my husband who didn't call me for the past 7 months, gave me a call to inform me that he is coming back. So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster. So, i will advice you out there if you have any problem contact Dr Trust, i give you 100% guarantee that he will help you.. Email him at: [email protected] or [email protected] Call +2348156885231 Web:https://ultimatespellcast9.wixsite.com/dr-trust Thanks for reading.

    Urgent Love Spell To Bet Back Your Ex Email Dr. Trust [email protected] Great article! I hope this helps a lot of women out there. Fix your marriage and relationship after a breakup or divorce, 100% guarantee Love spell..! A very big problem occurred in my Marriage seven months ago,between me and my husband .so terrible that he took the case to court for a divorce. he said that he never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn't love me anymore.So he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and he confirmed it that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my husband .So i explained every thing to him,so he told me that the only way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for him too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the email address of the spell caster whom he visited. I sent a mail to the address he gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my husband back the next day. What an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me, and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my husband who didn't call me for the past 7 months, gave me a call to inform me that he is coming back. So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster. So, i will advice you out there if you have any problem contact Dr Trust, i give you 100% guarantee that he will help you.. Email him at: [email protected] or [email protected] Call +2348156885231 Web:https://ultimatespellcast9.wixsite.com/dr-trust Thanks for reading.

    • Default
      Guest
      4mo ago

      Hello I am Shirley Morris ,I am out here to spread this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex husband back.I was going crazy when my husband left me and my two kids for another woman last month, But when i met a friend that introduced me to Dr Keke Odin the great messenger to the oracle of Great Keke Spell Temple. I narrated my problem to Dr Keke Odin about how my ex Husband left me and my two kids and also how i needed to get a job in a very big company.He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect.He told me what i need to do,After it was been done,24 hours later, My Ex Husband called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me and the kids before now and one week after my Husband called me to be pleading for forgiveness,I was called for interview in a very big company here in USA were i needed to work as the managing director.. you can contact Dr Keke Odin through the following mean Email: [email protected] Mobile Number: +1 386-336-9876 website: http://greatkekespelltemple01.webs.com

      Hello I am Shirley Morris ,I am out here to spread this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex husband back.I was going crazy when my husband left me and my two kids for another woman last month, But when i met a friend that introduced me to Dr Keke Odin the great messenger to the oracle of Great Keke Spell Temple. I narrated my problem to Dr Keke Odin about how my ex Husband left me and my two kids and also how i needed to get a job in a very big company.He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect.He told me what i need to do,After it was been done,24 hours later, My Ex Husband called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me and the kids before now and one week after my Husband called me to be pleading for forgiveness,I was called for interview in a very big company here in USA were i needed to work as the managing director.. you can contact Dr Keke Odin through the following mean Email: [email protected] Mobile Number: +1 386-336-9876 website: http://greatkekespelltemple01.webs.com

  • Default
    Guest
    4mo ago

    Hello I am Shirley Morris ,I am out here to spread this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex husband back.I was going crazy when my husband left me and my two kids for another woman last month, But when i met a friend that introduced me to Dr Keke Odin the great messenger to the oracle of Great Keke Spell Temple. I narrated my problem to Dr Keke Odin about how my ex Husband left me and my two kids and also how i needed to get a job in a very big company.He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect.He told me what i need to do,After it was been done,24 hours later, My Ex Husband called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me and the kids before now and one week after my Husband called me to be pleading for forgiveness,I was called for interview in a very big company here in USA were i needed to work as the managing director.. you can contact Dr Keke Odin through the following mean Email: [email protected] Mobile Number: +1 386-336-9876 website: http://greatkekespelltemple01.webs.com

    Hello I am Shirley Morris ,I am out here to spread this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex husband back.I was going crazy when my husband left me and my two kids for another woman last month, But when i met a friend that introduced me to Dr Keke Odin the great messenger to the oracle of Great Keke Spell Temple. I narrated my problem to Dr Keke Odin about how my ex Husband left me and my two kids and also how i needed to get a job in a very big company.He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect.He told me what i need to do,After it was been done,24 hours later, My Ex Husband called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me and the kids before now and one week after my Husband called me to be pleading for forgiveness,I was called for interview in a very big company here in USA were i needed to work as the managing director.. you can contact Dr Keke Odin through the following mean Email: [email protected] Mobile Number: +1 386-336-9876 website: http://greatkekespelltemple01.webs.com


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BEA C. PILOTIN
Writer at Thought Catalog, Blogger at Wordpress.com, Featured Author at The Minds Journal & Community Member at Mogul

A Computer Programmer with a passion of books, wines & spirits and good movies. I can often be found inside the bathroom writing and reading. To read more from me, follow me on my Facebook Page https://m.facebook.com/beapilotin/

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