Think about these four major things before you decide to give it a another try.
Much has been written on how to get someone back, but often people don’t ask themselves this obvious, but crucial, question:
“SHOULD we actually get back together?”
During a breakup, the pain can be so heart wrenching you’ll do anything to make it stop. It’s easy to start thinking, “Maybe if I get back together with him, I’ll be happy like I used to be.”
Severe heartbreak easily can lead to some extremely irrational thoughts — like believing that your ex will somehow change his mind and return based on your new fitness routine.
This is why it’s crucial that you consider whether you actually want that person and that relationship back before you set out to get them back in your life. Is your ex truly irreplaceable (some of them are) or do you simply want to feel better?
Don’t waste your time and emotions by making the wrong decision to reconnect only to meet a brutal reminder of why you broke up in the first place. While I help women succeed at getting back together every day-- some relationships just shouldn't be revived.
Ask yourself these four questions when deciding whether you should try and get your ex back:
1. Can you see yourself in a fully functioning relationship with them again?
Obviously it’s harder to remember what a relationship with your ex was like the longer you've been apart, but consider whether they would be a good fit for your life in the present day.
Do you have similar lifestyles? Similar life goals? Want the same things?
People we leave often grow and change a lot from the last time we saw them. Consider whether they are (or ever were) actually compatible with you.
2. Were you secretly relieved the first time the relationship ended?
Occasionally, a deep sense of relief arrives right after the decision to break up. This is usually clouded by heartbreak, but have you started thinking you're better off without them?
Was part of your relationship so difficult that you just weren’t inspired to continue?
Do you want to give up your complete freedom and lack of checking in for another chance with this person?
Feelings of relief are a strong sign that your ex, however great they were, was wrong for you.
3. Why did you break up?
Relationships that fell victim to poor timing or circumstances are easier to repair than relationships that ended because you couldn’t stand each other. For example, a relationship that ended because you both had a hard time maintaining your bond over long distance is easier to repair than a relationship where you fought like caged badgers every weekend.
If you aren’t sure, ask a supportive friend to recant the gory details of your breakup. It’s easy to strap on the rose-colored glasses and make a terrible pairing into something great with the benefit of misery and hindsight.
4. Did you recently find out that they are with someone else?
Often finding out that one’s ex has embarked upon a new relationship can send people into a shame spiral. It's as if your ex suddenly realized the relationship was really 100 percent over, as opposed to the 95 percent you considered it to be.
Finding out that good ole’ ex is happily coupled up with someone new can send people into a frenzy of “get him back at all costs!” behavior.
If you have recently discovered that your ex is dating someone new and this has awoken your desire to get them back, examine whether you actually love and want THEM or if maybe… you selfishly just don't want anyone else to have them.
If you're going through heartbreak, let me help you get to the bottom of it with a free copy of my book, Why Men Lose Interest and daily (almost) email series here.
Originally published at DigitalRomanceInc. Republished with permission from the author.
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