Dear Lord: I know, life is not always fair and pleasant but it's still darn good. There are no instructions how to go about it, I knew that, but I woke up each day to face the battle in this insular world anyway. There are mornings when I get up, thinking that maybe life will not go the way I dreamed it. There are nights that I thought life is too much to bear. Many times, I survived and few times, I failed but it's alright.
My life has been full of sufferings and heartbreaks but I survived because I learned how to stay strong. Sometimes, life made me feel so lost and not sure where I'm heading. Few times, I feel tired and lose confidence and wonder if I should have even started the journey in the first place. I have learned that there is no sure direction of the way because the map is not really well- defined.
It's true, happiness is so elusive. I always come to the world crying. They said being happy is the simplest thing in the world but that's a lie. It's hard for me to be happy and I wonder why. I spent too much time begging for a piece of heaven here on earth and it torments me that I have never received what I was begging for. There are people who are so cruel breaking my heart into pieces. People often squeezed me like lemon and I go through an excruciating pain. People are endlessly hurting me but I always include them in my prayers each night when I rest my head on my pillow. I don't know what tomorrow may bring, that is why I always forgive and I never hold negative feelings in my heart for too long.
For so many times, I was looking for happiness but life seemed to have favorites and it's unfair. I may readily agree with the statement that all men are equal. But I don't have to live long before discovering that life treats some people better than me or better than others or I am better than them. Some people work so hard and remain poor while others are born to wealth or seem to get all the breaks. Some people enjoy good health, others don't. Cancer ruins the body of a poor child, while a chain smoker lives to a ripe old age. I often see people sitting in an expensive restaurant, they can eat whatever they want and there are people begging for only a piece of bread. And this is something I have to understand and accept without resentment. But You see, when I look at other people around me each time and see the unfairness of life, I always change my focus. And when I look at You, I feel contented and thankful.
Dear Lord, I wonder why when I'm happy and having fun, time flies so fast. When life is pleasant, time passes all too quickly. I know I'm done wishing for something that's not really meant for me. I'm done keeping the people who tried to escape in my life- I let them go and let them live the life they wanted to have. I know there is nothing permanent in this world. There is nothing precise. I'm done carrying the load that was too heavy. I'm done crying a river over the people I love. For love is not always that easy, I know. I cannot make people love me. But I swear, I will try to be that someone who can be loved, in any way.
In this world where callous thoughtfulness and selfish indifference are all too common, teach me how to be more and more compassionate to others in a sense that could make our lives wonderful especially when motivated with your love. Let me find solace in my shortcomings when I look at them through the lens of self-acceptance. I need your guidance and strength. I know that I am under your powerful hands, show me your unfailing love each day that I may enjoy the moments of great joy and unimaginable sweetness of life. Give me your peace in the midst of my difficulties. Stretch my patience to enlarge my soul. Lord, give me a task I enjoy or a person whose company I love and could make time irrelevant.
I know that this journey of my life requires strength, perseverance and inevitable struggles along the way, both within and without. I know that life's heartbreaks can put an end to my resilience, my endurance, my nerve and bring me to my knees. Help me put my hope in You, renew my strength and let me hold You each time I hit my knees on the ground.
I promise you...for as long as you have your unfailing love for me, I will never give up no matter what. I will continue for a good fight.
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A Computer Programmer with a passion of books, wines & spirits and good movies. I can often be found inside the bathroom writing and reading. To read more from me, follow me on my Facebook Page https://m.facebook.com/beapilotin/