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    Hi Savannah, having the courage to let go of someone bad for you is the first step. A painful one when your heart loves them, but a necessary one if you know he's not good for you. Letting go of someone is a process and it takes time, sometimes therapy, support from loved ones, and being gentle with yourself. You are not trapped! You are amazing and a strong woman. Remember that it's better to be single and standing strong as a woman than to be with a poisonous person in your life. If you feel in danger with this person, and I'm not implying you are but just in case, please contact someone to get help. You are wonderful. Remember that!

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    Counseling is great, at anytime. Especially since things are "an ongoing battle", that sounds difficult. Since you are dating, not married? Maybe put a time limit goal to determine if this relationship meets your needs and that you both have compatible goals. Everyone deserves to have their needs met and be loved in a mutually beneficial committed relationship. Is there a baby on the way? That could contribute to the tiredness and more pressure on a dating relationship. Congrats on considering couples counseling. Go for it. Best of luck and love!

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    You are a thoughtful person. It's a grand idea to do either option

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    Believe or not, this had happended to me too, the idea of crashing hard, and I guessed it should have happened to a lot and a lot of people in life as well. No one is completely spared by stress! The most important is learn how to deal with it.

    While I do not pretend to know everything but, from learning from others, here is what I did or told myself. Just close your eyes and wonder "whatever worries or hurts you or your ppride or feelings, would it matter ten years from now?", "what if you would lose everything but still alive and healthy?" and last but not least is to try to live in the moment, meaning that you will still think of or planning on the future but only live in the present tense, meaning right now and right there wherever you are.

    Try it and tell us what you think. These three things had helped keep me from going insane when I had to take care of children and dealt with a lot of other iissues and worries in my life and I have to report that many years later, I am still alive and healthy. All ofthis is only because of love my husband gave me and because somewhere donw the road I had learned to ask me or remind me of those three things above.

    Good luck to you and remember you are not alone! -:)

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    Glad to hear back from you, Savannah!

    Yes, there have been so many interesting stories, questions and products to browse on Mogul that everyday is a day of fun on the site and I also learned a lot more about what one another thinks about women issues and stuff.

    Welcome back!

  • I Can't Change it But I Still Wonder
    Story Love & Relationships
    Clock over 2 years

    I Can't Change it But I Still Wonder

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    Hi,

    What are you trying to say here?

     

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    Wow, Savannah, thank you so much for letting me know this inspiring revelation you had with regards to your boyfriend. You are right that there are two sides to any story, and that every one has internal struggles and a story behind why they act the way they act. I have to admit that I felt I was doing everything in our relationship -- and I did not think of what factors might be contributing to him letting me initiate everything as of late. After giving him some distance (without telling him explicitly so), I took the time to really think about what might be going on behind the scenes with him. Finally, I asked him when he started reaching out again, wondering where I had gone. It turns out that his mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. :( And the news had hit him really hard with shock. That was why he was not being so proactive with me -- because his mind was so preoccupied with family matters. The space I gave him was exactly what he had needed to focus on this important matter at hand with his mother.

    So I wanted to thank you so much, Savannah, for your kind advice. Without you, I might have not thought to just directly ask him for transparency on what might be occupying his mind, what was keeping him up at night. It was the best thing I could have done for us to remain close. Thank you again Savannah.

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    Hey Savannah,

    First of all, congratulations on your new job! It sounds like a great opportunity! Second of all, I think you can definitely convince your boyfriend about your decision (which, I suppose, will be that you accept the job). The best thing you can do, from my opinion, is to have a calm, honest conversation with him where you explain your feelings and plans to him. Tell him that you understand his concerns and you also know that he does this all out of love. However, he has to understand that the reason why you're going to accept this great opportunity has nothing to do with him or your feelings towards him. This is an important step in your career and if you don't accept this offer now you might regret it for the rest of your life. I'm sure, he wouldn't want to be the person who stops you from living your dream, or who holds you back from being the person you want to be. You can explain that you wouldn't want to hold him back from things he feels like doing either, especially if he would get a great job offer that could change both of your lives. Assure him that his support and opinion means a lot to you. That's also the reason why you're not making this decision without him. Explain how this job can be a life changing opportunity for both of you. The more feelings and thoughts you share with him, the more will he be able to understand your reasons. 

    I'm sure, you already went through the big talk but as it seems like you really love this guy and he loves you as well I think it's definitely worth another try. Make sure to stay calm even if he gets upset, but on the other hand show him that you're sure in your decision. I understant you don't want him to feel bad about your decision, but Savannah, you need to keep in mind that, in the end, this is your life. You have to do what's the best for you and if this is the job you really really want, you have to take it. 

    I hope this helps and I'm pretty sure your boyfriend will support you eventually. But, again, you should accept this job. 

    Keep us posted!

    Best,

    Juli

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